Une Vie Chic

Progress

2012-01-31T12:43:00.000-05:00

Her eyes are her father's, which are his mother's so it's like being with my MIL all the time!

So, turns out, babies keep one much more preoccupied than one might like. As soon as I set the goal to get one project a day finished, Nora turned into velcro. As in, must be with mama all the time. The only way I'm typing this right now is because I've got her busy staring at the ceiling fan, talking at it. Good thing I love the Smooshy so much! Last night, while digging through my button box, I found a necklace with a photo of me as a very young baby...G laughed and asked if I was sure it wasn't a faux vintage pic of Nora! Yes, she's my little doppelganger.

But I digress. If she's sleeping, or content with G, then I'm actually able to get some things done. It's not much, but I've been a flower making insane woman the last couple of days, making a few different types of flowers to use on headbands with Nora.

Most have pearls in the center, but this and another have a button with a jewel.

Made a ring alternating midnight blue and teal.

I've also been working on my sewing machine skills because with a 2 month old who is over 2 feet long but thin, we're having issues getting clothes long enough that aren't too big. So I figure it would be wise of me to learn how to sew her some clothes, as well as tailor others to her. I've picked up fabric for a simple dress for her, and I've been practicing my sewing by making lavender sachets for our closet and dresser. They smell delicious, and the pound of lavender sitting in my office has made the whole room smell nice. And I used my new skills to sew a headband that clips can be attached to for Lady E as well. Next up: a baby blanket for her, as well as a pillowcase doll.

Headband with a rosette hair clip attached.

While not painted yet (it's getting done tonight), we did have the piece of wood cut to fit in our large frame to make a chalkboard for our kitchen. It's nice and big (38 1/4 by 23 1/4 on the inside) and I can't wait to write out a menu on it. I've been scouring pinterest for chalkboard menus, so I can copy the decorative script to make it pretty. I can't wait to show you how it turns out!

Felt bow clip.

It feels good to be making things, to have my hands busy. I might be consuming way more coffee than is healthy, but at least I've got things to show for it!

Suiting Up

2012-01-28T23:43:00.000-05:00

Tonight I got an e-mail from JoS A Bank about a suit sale, so we decided to swing into a local store to try on suits. We walked in, unsure of where to begin, got foisted off on a young salesman, who asked us if we were looking for the sale. We said, yes, to which he immediately replied, "The suit for that will be full price." I was a little taken aback, but assured him that we were not concerned in the least with price. He then took us to the least expensive, but whatever. Turns out that they don't carry a lot in G's size (a 38) but even if they did there was no way we were going to give this guy the sale. He was rude to us the entire time. I went in prepared to spend whatever, and not just on suits but on sweaters, vests, hats, etc, and instead we walked out empty handed and irritated.

Luckily we decided to hit up Nordstrom's Cafe for a simple dinner because it was getting late. Dinner was lovely, and we thought to drop into the menswear section just to look at their suits. A gentleman by the name of Bruce was wonderful. We looked at suits, one was actually on sale, and he even kept waving at Nora. In the end we have a Hugo Boss charcoal grey suit being tailored for a more slim fit, and we came home with a couple shirts and ties. We still need to look into some new dress shoes for G, but we were pleased to finally have found him a suit. Wish I'd gotten a pic, as he looks amazing in it! G is a man who wears suits well.

I'm a person who requires good customer service to purchase something from a store. I can be entirely love with an item, but if the sales associate is rude in the least, they don't get my sale. This man was wonderful and we each got his card so we can make sure to give him future sales. G gets a clothing allowance from the military each year, but because they stocked him up with uniforms before Iraq, and turned out he was told not to wear them in Iraq, he's good until he gets out of the military. Because he plans to go into the same field, simply more in the private/gov. sector, we've chosen to put that money towards future "uniforms", such as suits, dress pants, shirts, ties, etc. It allows us to invest in pieces for the future that he can also wear now for date nights.

Do you love a man in a good suit?

Culture and Culinary Pursuits

2012-01-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

This was when they were rehearsing before it began...much easier to snap a photo before the chairs all filled up!

Yesterday we ventured out into the snow and ice to see the Peabody String Orchestra perform here at the Walter's Art Museum. The music was beautiful. They performed pieces by Vivaldi, Mozart and Tchaikovsky. It was set up in this ancient Rome rotunda, with a ton of marble in the Sculpture Court, so the acoustics were phenomenal.

Then we ended up at home, and in between sparring with Scrabble, I threw together what turned out to be a delicious dinner. First I used a small butternut squash, a acorn squash, some leftover onion, and some leftover broth and threw it together to form a curried squash soup. Added some creme fraiche we had bought for a meal and ended up not using, and it turned into a soup we're already planning to recreate with some fresh pumpkin I roasted last night. All of it were items I had on hand that we needed to use.

For the main course I had purchased a lot of green beans, and instead of having leftovers, we decided to have huge bowls of roasted green beans for dinner. But instead of simply roasting them alone, I tossed in minced shallot, cremini mushrooms and leftover ham. So, so good we ate in silence except groans of pleasure.

So far that's been our weekend. Went to Williams-Sonoma because we had an $80 credit to use and picked up the Emile Henry ruffled pie die I've been lusting after for 3 years (I'm slow to buy things that are just wants), along with 2 Apilco cafe au lait bowls, which we're utilizing this afternoon because I just want to use them! I'll be doing a post on coffee later this week, and I think those will be the star players (other than the coffee of course!).

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend!

Sensual

2012-01-20T19:41:00.000-05:00

Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Kate on Pinterest

I live this life, trying to excite my senses. It's what I love about great food, cashmere and silk, and the scent combination of my husband's cologne and the scotch on his breath. Sensuality is not always linked to anything to do with sex, it embodies so much more.

So tonight we're putting on jazz music, we're collaborating in a rich French chocolate cake, and sipping espressos as I whip the pants off him in Scrabble. We re-watched Midnight in Paris the other night, and now I can't get the idea of kissing him in Paris as the rain pours down. Of walking the streets and delighting in the way the rain smells and dances on the streets. I'll be thinking of that as we bake tonight.

What comes to your mind with the word sensual? Any favorites?

My Opinion On Living

2012-01-19T00:35:00.000-05:00

This year is to be a journey for me, to change the things about myself I want to change--- to learn to live well more often. Even with the insanity of a 8 week old who has decided to attach herself like velcro to me, I'm attempting to read more, to watch more documentaries, and to get out and explore the culture in the area I live in more. This weekend is an art museum and a string quartet.

As G and I discuss how to live, I sum it up as this: Plan as if you'll live to 150, live as if you'll die tomorrow.

Life is for living, and living well at that. To spend money on things of beauty that bring you joy, to seek out experiences that earn a chapter in the book of your life, these are the things that make a life well lived. I'm going about this year with the intention to form habits that form the life I have sought for these past few years.

I am using my silver, and splurging on beautiful things. I'm reading books that are classics, and watching documentaries on food and history. I'm pouring over the Smithsonian's schedule for music and art and attending lectures that interest my mind. I'm taking a cupcake decorating class...and I've never even baked cupcakes before! And I'm choosing to not do things that don't interest me, when I used to do them out of a sense of obligation.

What do you think constitutes a well lived life? Are there any things you might be able to do to live better?

Time Doesn't Stand Still

2012-01-11T12:41:00.000-05:00

Today I feel like I should get my own sort of reward. My first solo Target shopping trip with Eleanor and I survived. I went in for house items, didn't get any of the things on my list, though I did look at what I needed to and took pics for G. Midway through Nora began her "I'm only happy if you hold me on your shoulder" cry so I quickly got her out of her car seat and picked her up.

She was fine after that and I ended up with a cart load of clearance items, all of which G was perfectly fine with. Grey suede wedges which fulfill the grey shoes on my wardrobe database. Some gold earrings that look similar to some I've tried on at Tiffany's that I would never in a million years pay thousands for. Mercury glass votive holders that we've been wanting for our dining room. A blue wool cardigan for me and a red coat for Nora for next year. A dress for her now (that I've had my eye on) that will transition to a shirt for next fall/winter. And some huge floor pillows that I got for less than $2 that will work great for our vicious games of scrabble!

Now she sleeps. I'm worn, knowing we still have to finish preparing the office for my mother's arrival. I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to do, but with Eleanor either G or I have to be with her at all times. She sleeps well at night, but it means she's up when we are most of the day, which doesn't allow us to get much done. Still I remind myself of the advice people gave me for this time period, to soak her up and not worry about the house. I'm trying to, really!

I'm learning to let go of trying to have a perfectly tidy home for now. To accept that spending my days drinking in this time with my daughter are worth more to me than having a home that's completely clean and orderly. The laundry is piling up, I desperately need to mop, and we still have an entire basement of totes to go through and donate/organize but we'll get to it soon enough. Those tasks can wait, these moments in life won't.

Petite Goals

2012-01-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

Photo of Eleanor, completely unrelated to this post except she is petite.

I went looking back at posts labeled with goals, and it was fascinating to see the ones I'd still love to achieve (many of them derailed due to pregnancy), as well as the ones that have come to pass, and even one that made me laugh in this post. I have gotten to know and love myself more, my eating disorder is amazingly under control, and we did manage to not have a baby that year...but a year later I was pregnant with Miss E! Sometimes life is funny.

For goals that are centered on the little things this year, I've set these:

* To floss daily. I suck at remembering to do this, and I hate to do it (sensitive gums means this isn't fun or pretty).
* Take out my contacts every night. Um...yeah. I get lectures every time I see an eye doctor.
* Keep my toenails painted.
* Curl my hair a few times a month. G loves it and it gets very sexy-wavy, which suits me.
* Keep my eyebrows in check.
* Continuing practicing make-up techniques so for nights out I can play up my eyes.
* Drink more water. I drink a ton of water, but with breastfeeding I've found I need even more than normal to keep hydrated.

I've begun to really think about taking care of my skin. I'm pretty good about using sunscreen (being a pale potato person, after all), but I tend to forget to moisturize, wash my face before I sleep, etc. So with that in mind.

* Use moisturizer on my skin daily.
* Look into dry brushing for exfoliation.
* Keep up with the eye cream and night time moisturizer.
* Use a cuticle cream.
* Utilize a face mask once a week, after a home facial.

Of course these are pretty much all health/beauty related. I have so many small (and large) goals to achieve this year, and for once I'm positive they'll be achieved. The year is looking bright!

Putting Thought Into It

2012-01-07T18:06:00.000-05:00

Today G and I drove to the butchers and left with 117 lbs of beef in our trunk. We looked upon it knowing this winter will be a good one. We still have a lot of pork left, which we're incorporating into my meal planning every week (made a quiche last night). Our freezer is now full, and we should make it an entire year without having to purchase beef, and hopefully until this summer without having to purchase bacon.

The meat was not cheap, but it was far cheaper than we were paying for comparable things at the store. We made the decision when we first got married to cut out as much hormones in our food as possible, but in England that sort of meat was not available at the store on base. Once we moved back to the U.S. we made the switch completely, and went the further bit to not buy into the organic lie and just buy organic (which often is raised exactly the same, just with organic food...still in tight cramped spaces), but to also make a point to purchase pastured, grass fed, meat and eggs from local people. But before linking up with this farmer, our beef was from Whole Foods and the price was ridiculous.

The choice has been one we've never regretted or blinked an eye at. Our eggs during the summer (when grass is lush) have deep yellow orange yolks. The meat is delicious, and since I occasionally like to take a bite raw, I feel much safer about it. The chickens we like to get are lean, long limbed birds who spent their lives roaming fields. From a moral standpoint I'm happy, and from a taste standpoint I am pleased as punch.

We eat smaller portions of meat because of the cost and because both of us love veggies. I'm glad I married someone who over time has really become just as passionate about the thought put into our food as I am. I don't believe in gluttony as a way of life. I believe that that way only ends up with less money in your budget, and more chances for poor health. To counteract the natural desire to gorge, we choose quality foods, full of flavors and textures that delight the senses. Real whipped cream, hand whipped into light as air deliciousness to top our chocolate pudding. Pork coupled with a maple and brown sugar and mustard glaze (so odd, but out of this world amazing). Portobello mushrooms sauteed in golden yellow Irish butter.

I truly believe that in order for the U.S. to begin to battle obesity and heart disease that more thought needs to go into what we put into our bodies. That we need to toss the stupid low fat concept out the window and begin to eat more full fat foods, which have been proven time and again to actually not hurt your health. And as for weight issues, low fat satisfies no one. We need to focus on getting more fiber, more naturally occurring vitamins and minerals, and getting all of this from real food.

I've noticed that the majority of people don't want to know what is in their foods, because if they did, they wouldn't want to eat it. As a quote I pinned on pinterest says, "Ignorance is not bliss, it's ignorance." The consequences will catch up to you. So today I'm urging you to use this year to really begin to think about what you put into your body, and ask yourself if you deserve better. I'm not perfect, I indulge occasionally in crap food. But you deserve for crap food to be the exception to the rule, rather than the norm.

Using Your Best

2012-01-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

I recently read Lessons From Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott (of The Daily Connoisseur), and loved it. I read the posts on her blog, so knew what to expect, but I love the expansion on the topics. For the most part, the life she describes is already the one we live, with the other things being ones we're working on.

One topic is about using your best items, rather than saving them for special occasions. From dishes to dresses you should be enjoying the beautiful things you have, rather than tucking them away in a cupboard. I have always kind of lived this mantra. I don't save my pearls for a special event, I wear them with jeans and a t-shirt. I don't have any special treat I make that I would save for guests...I make those things for G as well. And I use my china daily, which recently got commented on.

My friend called it my "wedding china" on Friday while over for coffee. I looked at her perplexed, forgetting that I had indeed gotten the china for my wedding. To us, it's just the dishes. Lovely and oft used, we had made the decision when moving back to the States to get rid of our huge cereal bowls and corelle dishes because we rarely used them, choosing to use our china instead. Once I caught on to what my friend was saying I laughed a bit, because it's true. Whether take-out or an exquisite meal, we use our china. And more recently we've made an attempt to really use our silver for meals as well!

I feel strongly that your best should not be reserved for guests but rather used daily for those you love. This means everything from your manners (we all know someone who people think is much nicer than they really are because of a persona they adapt for the public) to your home items. And more than anyone else, your best should be used for you! Everyday is a special occasion, and you and your loved ones should be the most honored people you know!

Bonjour Jamie!

2012-01-05T07:33:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to our local Enoch Pratt library to hear Jamie Cat Callan speak. Author of French Women Don't Sleep Alone (which I still need to read) and Bonjour Happiness, she's spent a lot of time really interviewing French women to find out their secrets for relationships and life.

I was one of the youngest people at the event, as many were of the 'femme d'un certain age' category. Not that I mind in the least as I've found that some of my favorite people whom I admire fit that category, and live lives full of passion. However, I do wish more younger women had chosen to attend, as I find that the information is so helpful now. And as I find the lifestyle choices she has written about (and which I extol) to be the path to a better life, I really want more people to hear about them and make the changes needed.

G attended with me, and smiled at me often as she spoke, because as he said later, I already do so much of the things that she spoke about. In fact when she spoke about using your good china, I laughed a bit because I have a post in the queue that is about a friend commenting that I'm the only person she knows who uses their "wedding china" and my thoughts on that.

Jamie was vibrant, and discussed everything from scarves and lingerie (matching always, something on my to do list...matching nursing lingerie), to dinner parties, dating, and living a slower life. As I've been reading more francophile books (I just finished up Madame Chic and my review is to come) and re-reading others, this came at a perfect time. It seemed almost fate that I found out about this speaking engagement in the wee hours of yesterday morning. It was a delightful evening, and for those who have not read either of her books, I urge you to pick one up soon (or check your local library!). Good reminders on why a slower, more intentional life is the way to go.

Reasoning

2012-01-04T06:25:00.000-05:00

It's nearly 6 a.m. and I've yet to sleep, it just wouldn't come. I got in plenty of snuggles with Eleanor though. And at 3 a.m. after I changed another diaper she looked up and just was so damn happy, all smiles, and I felt grateful for that moment. I gathered her up on my chest and told her I loved her and whispered promises of the future.

My daughter. This little person I spend my days with, usually bleary eyed (one or both of us...she likes to sleep and does not like to be awakened, thankyouverymuch) who I feel overwhelmed by. Overwhelmed with exhaustion when she's needing to be walked. Overwhelmed with responsibility, thinking, "Who on earth gave this little one to me?" and then reminding myself it wasn't anyone on earth. And overwhelmed with a love so much a part of my core I feel like a volcano erupting every time I look at her. She's one of the reasons for my goals this year. To become a person I love being in order to be a good mama, in order to show her how I feel life should be lived. A life of passion.

Can you tell why we call her our Smooshy? Rounded little face ever!

So I'll attempt to get some sleep. And tonight I'm headed to hear a lecture by Jamie Cat Callan (author of Bonjour Happiness). It comes at such an awesome time, and G and Nora are tagging along. It was something I found out about this morning, so plans are being re-arranged so that the quiche I planned for dinner will be made before we leave. I'm being intentional about seeking out things in life that add something good, and learning to walk away from anything that just brings negativity. It takes planning and it takes courage to see yourself through the not so easy moments. One day at a time though. And really, in the end, it's worth it.

She tends to be amused at my ridiculousness. But I had to put the bow on her head!

Pulling Inspiration

2012-01-03T01:26:00.000-05:00

I'm a pinterest addict, and you can see all my boards here. Part of my goal this year is to do the projects I've pinned and actually use the inspiration with outfits to really define my style. I love having a place where I can visually gather things I love.

So as I headed out for lunch with friends I threw on a black cotton dress, my grey shrug with purple-ish tights and boots. Looking in the mirror I thought, "I could try that loop with my scarf." Threw it around, G loved it, and I realized it was a nice way to wear the scarf for a little interesting detail.

Inspiration:

Source: basiccravings.wordpress.com via Kate on Pinterest

My take:

A brooch would have added a nice little sparkle, but I didn't have one easily retrieved at the time. Next time!

Intentional

2012-01-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

The purpose to the goals I've set forth for myself this year is to really rediscover or recapture the joie de vivre I experienced while living in England. While G is still on the lookout for any opportunity for us to go back there, it is also important to really adapt to here. It may take more effort, but it can be done.

We've managed it somewhat, with the farmer's markets and frequenting small businesses. We walk often while out, but realized we need to incorporate walking more. We had begun to be less intentional with life, to live more mindlessly, and so decided that "Intentional" is the word of the year. Intentional with eating, intentional with getting out more, intentional with every aspect of the life we are leading.

We began on a good foot with New Year's Eve, choosing to stay in and have a dinner with a few courses. We begun with a pea soup, something neither of us had had before (for the record it was delicious!). The next course was a small salmon filet flavored with lemon and roasted fingerling potatoes. We finished up with some baguette and a French cheese that had the coloring and consistency of softened butter. All this was enjoyed while savoring Veuve Clicquot's Grande Dame 1998 champagne I had picked up this summer for when G returned. The champagne, it must be said, is absolutely divine, and I wish was more affordable for our weekly bubbly! We were still eating our cheese course as it struck midnight. We finished the evening with coffee and a movie, with Nora tucked into us.

Life truly is what you make of it. And it's not perfection; we fall off our course often, but make the choice to make our way back to the path we feel is the best way to live. It takes speaking up, being honest with one's partner and oneself. It takes debating the little things. Last night we finally purchased a flat screen t.v. after being back here for 2 1/2 years. We originally had planned to purchase a 40" but decided that the 32" would be more than enough for our movie viewing. It was something small, but it was a choice we made in what was and wasn't all that important to us. By going with the smaller t.v. (which after we chose it turned out to be on sale for $20 off) and grabbed the blu-ray player (on sale for $50 off), we ended up being about $300 under our budget for this purchase!

And it is just that---choosing what in life is important to you, and creating a life filled with that. Please stick around for a year full of small decisions that add up to an intentionally well-lived life.

Setting Goals

2011-12-31T04:00:00.000-05:00

I've set huge goals for myself before with running (derailed by foot), reading (derailed by pregnancy exhaustion), etc. It can be a bit discouraging, to be honest. However, G and I have both decided that 2012 is the year to get a lot of things done. For myself, it's a bit overwhelming because I'm attempting to work on all aspects of my life. However, I'm setting simple goals to do it.

By the beginning of the new year, we're hoping to have every room except the basement near completion on organization. This will allow us to decorate over this next year. What it also means for me is that I'll have workspace and organized containers for projects. I've begun a notebook of craft type projects, from sewing to painting to building, with 1-2 projects assigned every day. As in, every single day of the year. Should make it easy to get things done with 365 days! I've already gotten a head start, and finished up a cute framed saying for Nora's room, as well as done her hand and feet prints in some model magic that is currently drying. And I'm prepared to begin my January second goal of creating some headbands to clip little flower and bow clips to for her.

A huge goal for myself this year is that I want my Christmas gift to myself next year to be at a weight I am happy at, and one I feel I'm "done" at. It's going to take a substantial weight loss, but a year should do it. G has agreed that if I'm happy where I'm at this time next year and have been able to maintain that I can overhaul my closet with new clothes for a new body.

Complicating things is that I want to do this while maintaining no restrictions. My eating disorder is more under control than it has been my entire time with one (which sadly is over half my life), and I don't want to screw this pattern up. I saw a Groupon for Bon Appetit magazine the other day, ordered it, and we've agreed that at least once a month, using the magazine, we're going to cook something different. As much as I love cooking, I feel like it's easy to get into a rut, get bored, and make crap choices, so I'm attempting to avoid that.

And finally I feel like I've become too much of an internet potato, killing far too much time online. It's great for reading and ideas, but I need to begin to really get out and live a bit more (and G concurs that he does as well). So we've both set the goal to visit museums more often, to maybe try and hit up some free music events, etc. And finally both of us want to tackle reading all the unread books in our library, getting rid of the ones we don't love, and giving us something to discuss over our dinners!

To help keep me accountable I have G on my butt, with him having access both in person and digitally (thanks to some awesome iPhone apps) to my goal lists. I'm also planning to document this journey on here as much as possible, with the exception of the weight loss. I think that one, being so personal, might put too much pressure on me, so updates will be few and far between. For the rest though, I'm looking forward to documenting it, maybe doing some tutorials and staying on top of these things that I feel will make for a richer, more chic life.

Do you have any goals set for this year?

Balancing Before The New Year

2011-12-29T11:23:00.000-05:00

Last night G and I sat down to work on a budget for the new year. Sounds boring, but I love crunching the numbers, seeing how much we can save while still living well. Our budget includes categories for dates, coffee and entertainment (we're planning to get netflix once we get a t.v. next month). But what I was amazed at is the items not on the list, and where we save.

First, baby items. Nora is breastfed and cloth diapered so we don't have the more normal expenses for diapers and formula. Even better? By the time she's at the age where we're having her try other foods, it will be time for the CSA, so I'll be using those veggies for her! That and the whole ton of applesauce I made this fall! So we won't have much in the way of baby food expenses for her period.

Second, because of spending more upfront on things such as the CSA, our pork and our beef (which we should be picking up within a week or so), our monthly grocery bill is much lower. We sat down and calculated how much milk, butter, coffee etc we go through every month and budgeted for that. We don't plan to eat just pork and beef, so we budgeted for chicken and fish as well. And we also plan to do some very bean and veggie heavy meals. Dried beans are cheap, healthy and provide the protein you need!

G and I have some huge goals for the next few years in regards to paying off my student loans, our car and paying down the mortgage. My fear was that in order to do that we'd have to completely cut out coffee dates and "fun", but we even have a category for "blow money" budgeted in, for things we just want, not need.

A budget is important for being able to save as much as we want to, while still taking care of needs and wants in the here and now. By going through everything, I was able to see that tithing 10% really won't hurt our budget, and we're also going to be able to put away a significant amount for Nora's future. We're splitting our savings into 5 different accounts, Emergency, Main, Nora's Future, Clothing, and Vacation. By separating them we'll know we can tweak what goes into a few of them if our budget needs any tweaking, while maintaining a minimum we've set for the emergency account, and not touching Nora's.

Creating the budget also made us really think about where we could cut back. Instead of doing breakfast at Clementine after church every weekend, we've decided we'd rather get up and eat breakfast before church and then grab coffee there after church. It saves us quite a bit each week, and it also had us having to get creative. One of the reasons we do breakfast is because we can't come home right after church because the church across the street takes up all the street parking for blocks. However, we decided that we could get coffee, sit and enjoy that for an hour or so, and then take Nora to the lake on the way home, walk a couple miles and then head home. Which will help with other goals I have for this year! (another post to come)

Overall I feel really good about our budget. Do you sit down and budget for the year? Or do you evaluate each month separately?

Another Year

2011-12-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

Today my husband turns 28. Which for us marks about 10 years of him being in love with me. A decade. I've told him I think that I was in love with him too, but because it wasn't an infatuation sort of love, I didn't recognize it for what it was. I couldn't handle that type of love at the time. A deep love, a slow to realize love. But an ember that flared up into what it is today.

I've had 10 years of a shoulder to cry on and an intellect to debate with. Ten years of questionable music and film choices and late night phone calls just for reassurance that I was still okay. Ten years of giggling and tickling and flirting. Ten years of laughing until I thought I'd explode.

I wish I had words accurate enough to describe how I feel about him. To explain this pull I feel, as if he's the center of my balance. I've watched him change from boy to man. I've seen him as my friend, my lover, my husband and now the father of my child. What an adventure, and there are so many more to come.

I love you Garret. Happy Birthday.

Quiet Christmas

2011-12-23T17:58:00.000-05:00

If you read this blog regularly, you know how much we love Christmas. Every little thing is so wonderful, and it really is my favorite time of year. But this Christmas the stockings are hung, but will remain empty. And there are no gifts under the Christmas tree. It wasn't even planned this way. It's just that as the season continued on, we realized it was getting later, and we didn't care about the gifts.

This weekend will be spent just the three of us. Tomorrow night we are having a pork loin roast with green beans and leek and potato soup. Then onto mass where most of the parishioners will be seeing Nora for the first time. And finally home to cuddle up all cozy, drinking hot cocoa with the marshmallows I'm hoping to make tonight. I've got cinnamon rolls planned for Christmas morning, to be enjoyed with hot coffee in front of our electric fireplace. It will be quiet, calm.

I bought Christmas cards last year, managed to write out 2 and then gave up. Nora has been fussy and wanting to be held nearly 24/7 lately, and it was just too much. I planned to make edible treats for some family members this Christmas (and caramels for T!), but those will have to go out for the New Year.

I think, "I should feel guilty, I pretty much disregarded all the Christmas things this year." But I don't. I feel content. The tree is beautiful. We'll enjoy carols and good food. And I'm more than happy to just enjoy this little family of mine's first Christmas. I stumbled across an old post while looking for something and it was the reminder I needed again that this home, this life I'm leading is Holy ground. And what better time to remember that than at Christmas?

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas or Hanukkah. Being where you feel most loved really is the best gift, a reminder of our blessings.

Parisian Fantasy At Its Best

2011-12-22T03:36:00.001-05:00

Source: en.wikipedia.org via Kate on Pinterest

Tonight G and I rented Midnight in Paris because I've heard so many good things about it. I had no real idea what it was about, but we went for it anyway. Which, not really knowing if I like Woody Allen films (and hearing that you either love him or hate him), was a bit risky.

It. Was. Magical. We both loved it. While I was worried about Owen Wilson being too goofy for the main character, he was fantastic in the role. And with other cast members like Rachel McAdams, Carla Bruni (the French first lady!), Marion Cotillard, Kathy Bates, and Adrien Brody...it was amazing. Never since Mean Girls have I disliked a Rachel McAdams character so much. She's vile.

I don't want to ruin the movie for you, so I'll keep this brief. Owen Wilson is a writer, in Paris with his fiancee and her parents. He's a dreamer, who fantasizes about another time. And as he strolls Paris he discovers magic. The film is already on our list of movies to buy soon.

Oh, and bonus for my readers who watch a lot of French films...the actor who played the lead opposite Audrey Tatou in Hors de Prix has a bit role as a detective in this film. No speaking, but an amusing part.

Tip And Tale

2011-12-20T10:23:00.001-05:00

Oh Hello!

Isn't her smooshy face the cutest? One of her nicknames is Smooshy, because she's got these cheeks and turkey neck and she has a tendency when lying on us to get all squished. It's adorable.

So, tip. I am attempting to eat more yogurt, and while we normally do Greek yogurt, I wanted something smoother for this. So I grabbed some organic whole milk yogurt (I normally grab cream top, which is even richer, but the store didn't have it). But I didn't want plain yogurt. So I poured a bowl of frozen strawberries, left them in the fridge overnight and the next day used my immersion blender to blend them into the yogurt. It tasted great that night, but even better the next day. No added sugar, just frozen strawberries and it tastes so good that it's like a decadent treat. My recommendation is to do at least 2 cups strawberries for each container (I did more than that I think).

Also, made 4 popsicles with it...yum!

Now for a funny tale. Max the cat is a wee bit jealous of the baby. This is because Max is an attention whore, and will throw himself (literally) at you to be petted, and he likes to be picked up and cuddled like a baby. So, G's arms full of Nora just pisses him off. However, I think he's warming up to her, or rather the perks. I caught him in her newborn napper yesterday, and not even turning the vibrating action on made him move.

The look on his face says it all. He has since attempted repeats of this, but fears the mighty squirt bottle.

And soon after this is how we spent the rest of the early afternoon:

Nora lies like this for feedings. Max jumped up and pushed his rear up against hers. As this is how he snuggles in with the puppies I'm beginning to think he sees her as another puppy. He didn't budge, even as I moved about to get photos.

So, any tips or funny tales? I could use them (I'm a wee bit sleep deprived but forcing myself to stay up so I'll sleep tonight!).

Moments of Luxury

2011-12-18T00:05:00.000-05:00

Today was a beautiful day. Slept in a bit (after not getting to sleep until 4:30), snuggled with Nora while G hit up the market for 3 dozen of the most orange-yolked eggs you can imagine (more on why so many later this week), and then got dressed and headed out for errands.

We hit up Nordstrom Cafe because I love their French dip and it would be the first time since before the pregnancy I could enjoy it's redness without having to have them cook it through. N slept the whole time of course. Then coffee at the Starbucks next to Whole Foods, which yes, it's Starbucks, but it's in an old mill building and is wonderful for relaxing.

But my day got me to thinking about luxuries. Little ones, big ones, it doesn't matter. I hit up the La Mer counter at Nordstrom to pick up a sample of their serum to try. It got me to discussing with G how I could care less how much the cream cost, it's a godsend to my skin. He agreed wholeheartedly (which is why I love him) as he saw how dry my skin used to get when I tried everything under the sun. Yes, it's pricey, but it is worth it's weight in gold to me.

We also saw some Voluspa candles and bought a black glass one in the scent black figue and chypre. It's a sexy scent, and the black glass holder can be reused later. We're saving it for later this winter when our bedroom is finished with new carpet and furniture as a special thing. It was a little luxury, and one we'll enjoy (I've already admitted to being a candle hoarder!).

Via Spiga pumps (see more via spiga shoes)

But luxuries aren't just things you buy. Tonight I settled in with a glass (and then another) of bordeaux. It was an $8 bottle that we've spread out over 3 nights so far (with some still left), but a perfect relaxer. I also realized my feet were freezing and therefor not swollen at all and it would be the perfect time to try on my Via Spiga shoes I had purchased before I realized I was pregnant...the ones that last month I couldn't get on. I was worried as I've never worn them and I love their sexiness. Thank God, this time they fit and were super comfortable, so will get to stick around for a date night in the future.

I think we need luxuries, both material and non. It's the coffee break we make time for with a friend. The pretty nail polish that makes us smile. Even a flower you pick from your garden. It's the things that make life better. And a good life is a luxury indeed.

Re-Styling

2011-12-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

I've purchased items of clothing at thrift stores before for various reasons (other than to wear). There's the white sweater I purchased to make the sweater pillow with flowers (yet to make, but it is absolutely getting done this winter), a silk shirt I picked up because it had a pretty pattern and I want to make myself an eye mask with it, and most recently a little dress for Nora.

I love girly ruffles so when I saw this dress from The Children's Place I got excited. Super cute, with a little tulle flower and some tulle petticoat bit underneath. But upon looking it over I found a small formula stain on the white material. However, I had heard about the magical wonders of dyeing items of clothing and thought, for a few bucks I could give it a whirl.

It turned out beautiful! I used a lot of dye because I wanted a deep purple, and got lucky because the tulle bits and even the buttons dyed a pretty pale lavender. Unfortunately the thread did not dye too well clearly not cotton), but when the ruffles are right you can't see the thread, and the small bit on the sleeve is covered by a cardigan (because it's a sleeveless dress and it's winter).

I also dyed a couple onesies the same purple, and have navy and kelly green dye for other items. I'm now a dyeing convert! It'll make it easier to keep on the lookout for second hand goods for Nora. I'm a firm believer that babies are in clothes for short a period that you can find really barely used clothes easily, and it's a waste of money to buy everything new. Now I can look and if something has a tiny stain but is in otherwise perfect condition I'll know that it probably can easily be dyed!

Have you ever bought something to dye or otherwise alter?

Staying Stylish

2011-12-14T02:37:00.000-05:00

As a new mom I will admit that most days you can find me either in yoga pants or, if I'm actually leaving the house, my maternity jeans. I lost most of the baby weight, and am even noticeably thinner around my ribs, but my hips are a different story. I'm hoping to be into my normal jeans by the time my maman comes in January. I also am lucky if I think to put on mascara and some concealer to hide dark circles. I figure I'll get better at this over time, but most days I could care less because I spend most of my days cuddled up with Nora in bed.

I do have to leave the house sometimes. Whether for errands or simply to get out and live a little. Right before Nora arrived I had purchased another Gerard Darel bag off of ebay (a Midday Midnight). Love it, but carrying a handbag and a diaper bag is a little bit of a pain, so it will be sitting in my closet.

However, I got lucky this summer when I won a Timi and Leslie Rachel diaper bag from a blogger (whom I've actually known IRL since I was much younger). I was a little shocked to win it, but super excited because it's stylish and not something I would have splurged on for myself. (And it kept me from even thinking about splurging on the Gerard Darel BB bag...) But I thought, awesome, it's stylish, but how well will this thing work out for me?

The answer is: really well. It looks like a bag I might carry normally, has a ton of pockets, and has been such a godsend. I use it to function as both a handbag and a diaper bag. It can carry several diapers and wipes, a wet bag, a spare outfit for Nora, Sophie the Giraffe, a soft elephant, a swaddle blanket, deodorant (am I the only one who obsessively carries this with me?), my sunglasses, my wallet, my iPhone, toffee espresso beans, gum, her hair brush, and even my make-up bag without being overly full. (It also carries a ring sling when I need it to.)

Another big thing for me is how easy it is to carry. For this bag I carry it either on my shoulder or in my hand, and it is super comfortable either way. It doesn't slip off my shoulder or dig in. And while it's big enough to hold everything, it isn't so big that it's a nuisance. Overall I'm in love with this bag, all it's little (and big) pockets, and it's stylish-ness. They're a little pricey, but if this one ended up dying on me in a couple years and I needed a new one for another child, I would definitely splurge on another by Timi and Leslie.

*I was not asked to sing this bag's praises nor given any compensation. I just loved it and thought I'd share in case any of my readers are expecting or looking for an awesome gift for someone who is!

New Normal

2011-12-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

We've been hauling ourselves out for coffee lately. Starbucks, local place, Einstein bagel bros coffee at the hospital. Doesn't matter, as long as the coffee is fresh and hot and makes me feel normal again. And I think we've got to be doing this whole parenting thing wrong because I feel like me and I didn't expect that. I wore jeans and a black sweater with my hair up in a messy bun and rocked some heels, and my Hermes scarf threaded through a fox fur collar. I really should have gotten a photo.

We went out for a nice lunch, and Nora slept the entire time. I ordered a petite filet sandwich with caramelized onions, provolone, and a chipotle aioli. Of course the server asked how I wanted it cooked and with bloodlust I answered RARE (it nearly came out a growl). Turned out the meat was extremely tender and easy to eat even as a steak on a baguette.

A meeting for Common Ground, planning for an event in January about our gifts, and how you don't need money to help someone. Talking about building a community and I realized that I am doing that here, slowly but surely.

And dinner was a delicious ham roasted with a glaze. It was my first ham and I wasn't so sure about it, but it turned out to be the best damn ham I or G had ever had. Baked potato. Some carrots. And we called it a night.

Now it's Tuesday and we're having ham and sweet potato for lunch. However, currently, it's just a little before 2 and we're enjoying a glass of champagne while Nora sleeps in her napper. (It's a blessing, because she's had an upset tummy for a couple days and made setting her down for very long difficult.) We're learning a new normal around here, one that involves a little dictatoress who loves to sleep as much as her mama. It involves late night rocking and lots of under-eye concealer and mascara to help me look awake. But it also involves a wee one who loves (LOVES) kisses and the three of us snuggling and coffee and a delicious new way of life.

So we toast to this life we're eking out here and to drinking champagne at a ridiculous hour of the day. But let's just admit it, bubbly-o'clock can be at any time, non?

Bubbly Friday

2011-12-09T21:58:00.000-05:00

I welcome the return of bubbly Friday. We grabbed a bottle of Moet, and I poured gently 2 glasses so that it didn't fizz up and lose my bubbles. I just fed Nora and I feel like a little sparkle to celebrate a whole 6 days of no hospital, no insanity.

This week has been amazing. Monday was the insanity (mainly good) of her newborn portraits. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent mainly in bed. Yesterday we went out for Greek food for lunch and I finally was able to eat feta! Then onto my 2 week midwife appointment where I discovered that I've lost 33 lbs since my appt. the week before I had Nora (which was the last time I had weighed myself). Basically I've lost nearly all the baby weight already, and can soon get to start on making sure to gradually (while still being healthy and taking care of us two) lose the weight I had wanted to lose during G's deployment.

And today we had our 2 week pediatrician appt where she didn't have to have blood drawn for the jaundice because she's finally looking much less yellow. Then we went to a natural food store in order to pick up vitamin D drops for her (something recommended for babies who are completely breastfed), and we stumbled across sugar plums. They are delicious! Finally the evening was rounded out by dinner at an Irish pub and then meeting up with a friend for coffee (of which Nora slept through almost the entire thing).

Bubbly Friday signifies the return to normalcy for me. Life is different. I feel I have so much to celebrate, and there is nothing better than raising a glass of champagne and saying a few words of gratitude for this life I'm living.

Things I Love Tuesday

2011-12-06T17:22:00.000-05:00

* Chicken noodle soup, of which I am making a super huge amount so we have some in the freezer (sans the noodles, since I make them homemade and they're best fresh).

* Banana bread with hot coffee in front of the fireplace... a.k.a. how I plan to spend my evening.

* My daughter's squeals...her newest noise that she does randomly and for seemingly no reason.

* My husband kissing her little lips and watching her face get all big eyed and smiley. She loves kisses and will turn towards you to get more.

* The glasses of Beaujolais I have been enjoying, along with cured meats and a nice cheese.

* That today we did nothing but lie in bed watching t.v. and cuddling as a family.

* Feeling strong, both in body and attitude. I love this body of mine. I'm fascinated by how quickly it seems to be recovering, how good I feel. I also love how I just feel awesome about life. Happiness and feeling no need to be anything or anywhere but who and where I am.

Capital H Happy

2011-12-03T13:43:00.019-05:00

*Warning: Lots of Nora pics, the cuteness might be overwhelming!*

I feel like me again. We're home now, and it looks like for good. She's back to being our turkey rather than a sweet potato. I'm exhausted, and actually had to face it last night that I've pushed myself nearly to the point of being hospitalized myself, so I gladly let G take the duty of getting her to sleep this morning. If she's not passed out completely she will not sleep in her newborn napper, and I needed to sleep without holding her for a bit. Today we slept until 8:30, and then I've taken 2 small naps since, and it's only 1:30!

We sat outside and had coffee yesterday afternoon. She was all bundled up in her car seat, with a thing over it keeping her warm and cozy. So we sat and had a normal moment. I've been lucky, and while my jeans from before don't quite fit with me being still soft, all my tops do, and in fact better than before. My coat I could finally button up again easily, and I was wearing my leopard kitten heels (which I also was wearing 2 days before having her when we went out for a nice lunch). I just felt like myself again. I loved being pregnant. But I also love knowing I can reach for something and won't knock something else off with my belly!

I need to feel like myself, to still pay attention to how I present myself to the world. I want her to know she can be more than one thing. She can be mother, wife, and also woman. That hats are fashionable and it's okay to wear many.

I'm not supposed to diet is what the midwife told me. I just laughed and explained that I love food and it's the holiday season...diet is a dirty word all the time, but most especially now. She laughed and agreed. I look forward to working out, to toning up this body that is so strange to me (I'm noticeably thinner now than I was before, even if the jeans are not fitting). To seeing how this new waist accentuates the hourglass even more. And my arms should tone up in no time thanks to our chunky monkey! But I can't diet when my intake impacts her (and impacts my ability to eat delicious treats).

It's a weird place, to have been so happy you felt you'd reached the top only to discover a secret new level. I am Happy. I have spent the past few days looking introspectively at things, realizing mistakes I had made attempting to get here, and also seeing past hurts in new ways. It's been wonderful. I feel like this is both a continuation of who I am and a new start.

I'd ramble more but I have chicken noodle soup to cook and banana bread to make and a tiny face to kiss. Suffice to say, this is a delightful holiday season.

*Wrote this yesterday afternoon, ended back up in the ER for ridiculous reasons (even the ER docs weren't sure why the pediatrician had us sent in for such a small thing), so have not yet made soup or banana bread...we're determined to get to it today.

Eleanor's Birth Story

2011-12-01T01:31:00.000-05:00

This post will be TMI for many, so feel free to pass over it until regular posting resumes. But I need to write this because I could use a little good right now. And Eleanor is all goodness. Her delivery was easier than expected and she is truly one of the easiest and best things I have ever done. This will be long because I want to record it all.

It's a little after midnight on Thursday right now, a week after my daughter was born. A week ago it had already begun. My water broke at a little before 9 on Wednesday night. I had felt funny and jumped off the sofa, saying to G that he needed to come with me. Sure enough, I had felt a gush. That would continue for hours. I called my midwife and let her know it was go time. Thinking I had hours, perhaps 12 ahead of me I began cleaning. I had decided earlier in the evening to make a freezer batch of breakfast burritos, thinking I'd have time for more cooking, but I didn't. So I cleaned. I took a shower. And I painted my toenails, a detail the midwives noticed, laughing that I was still flexible enough to reach them.

We fell asleep at about 2:30 a.m.....and by we I mean G. I was trying to when the first contraction that I could feel hit. I should pause here and state that I had bought the hypnobabies home learning but it put me to sleep so yes, I'm a hypnobabies failure/dropout. :) Well, the contractions were not ones I could lie through. I ended up finding the toilet was the best place to sit mainly because it seemed to keep my pelvis open in a way that helped the pain. And it's close proximity to a bowl to throw up in, something I did through every large contraction up until transition (the point between 8-10 cm).

It hurt, but worse than the pain was the mental issue of feeling like it was not going to end. What should have been lasting 30 seconds was lasting upwards of 2 1/2 minutes. I started at 10 minutes apart and within about an hour I was 3-4 minutes apart. They were all lasting at least a minute. I had woken Garret to call the midwife because this wasn't "normal." She assured us we still had plenty of time. I was already in the bath, but I was starting to question this drug free concept. I didn't think we were going to make it to Annapolis in time; she was an hour away, we were at least 30 min and I wanted to leave then. Instead we made arrangements to meet in an hour and a half. By the time we reached that point I was still trying to get dressed. I honestly don't remember this point much, but G says I was having trouble because with each article of clothing came another contraction.

We finally made it to the car. Heading towards Annapolis I was arching up out of my seat moaning through each contraction. Not screaming, because through the whole ordeal I screamed maybe twice. But I knew each contraction was coming because I wanted the heat up. Then after I was overheated and had to turn it down. The whole way there I kept commanding G to turn it up or down accordingly. When we got there, he missed the entrance and had to u-turn it in the middle of the road. The midwives were waiting with a wheelchair and in I went. I somehow made it up on the four poster bed to be examined and that was when I realized that drug free was how it was going to be...at about 6 a.m. I was already at 8 cm.---too late for drugs. As I lay in the bath arching up every couple of minutes I looked at my midwife and said, "I can't do this and if I can't do this how will I do transition?" Then came the sweetest words until my daughter arrived: "You are IN transition." I knew then I could do this.

Within 30 minutes or so of getting there it was time to push, but the tub wasn't working well for that. So I moved to the bed, hopping up quickly (after 2 stops along the way in which I was terrified she was going to fall out on the bathroom floor) getting on all fours.

I want to say this for those who are thinking of doing it naturally and think they might not be able to: I was already through the most painful part. Yes, during some contractions I thought I couldn't do it, I even told G I wanted to go to the nearest hospital and get drugs because damn it something wasn't right, things were coming too quickly and I was getting nervous. But by the end I can honestly say the contractions before I had to push were by far the worst of it all and I was able to walk through them.

So we began what ended up being a little less than 2 hours of pushing. You feel like your insides will become your outsides, because it's a lot of pressure. It didn't hurt really, but the frustration of it not happening instantly, the exhaustion I your limbs, those can be defeating. I kept wanting to know exactly how much further I had to push her head out. Instead they'd tell me how far she was coming each time. They offered me a mirror, but until near the end I just wanted to close my eyes and get it done. I didn't scream, but I groaned like I was pulling an airplane on a rope. G stood there quietly telling me how amazing it was, and how great I was doing. I didn't want to be touched at all unless I needed a leg massage, and then the other midwife stepped in to help. I was offered cold washcloths, which were great. I didn't want water, I didn't want anything that would distract me from my task.

I flipped on my side at their suggestion. Jen, my main midwife, told me to bring my leg up to grab, and I pulled it up straight towards me. They looked and said, "you're really flexible." Almost as a calm moment I said, "oh...yeah." (I was still doing splits at 6 months.) After that for awhile I moved onto my back, grasping my legs trying to get her out. Her head was big, but Jen kept stretching me every time I pushed and so I didn't tear more than a few little cuts inside my bits(which I didn't feel because there aren't the nerves there). Each time I pushed Nora got further out. I could reach down and feel her head. She kept wiggling her head, trying to help. Jen kept commenting that I had a pelvis made for this. (I've joked that although I'm not sure I'll be repeating this because we want to adopt, I'm apparently a baby making rock star.)

Finally I got to the part I was most afraid of, what many women describe as the "burning ring of fire." I got her head halfway out, and as she sat there, straining tightly the space it does burn. But oh my goodness, it wasn't anything like I imagined. I felt it was painful, but not even a tenth of what I had imagined. However, I was exhausted and wanted her out. I asked how much more and Shaina, the other midwife said just another 2 or 3 contractions. Knowing that no way in hell was I doing that, I told myself to make this the one, and I pushed like my life depended on it. Her head came out and G stepped in, catching her body as it wriggled out.

I love that he was the first one to hold her. That the first arms to wrap around her were her daddy's. She was face up and he put her on my chest. I just lay there shocked that I was now a mama. I laughed and said I'd just delivered a butterball turkey. I kept saying her name Eleanor over and over. G was crying, I was just in awe.

In 10 minutes the placenta was out. G later told me Jen had commented on how strong the cord was, pushing on it. The only complication was they had trouble stopping the bleeding and I ended up with a shot of pitocin. Jen gave me my 3 stitches, and then it was time to just relax.

I curled up on a bunch of pillows and we got Nora nursing. She did well from the get go, did well on her apgar, and after routine measurements and a vitamin k shot we were good to go home. Four hours after she made her arrival we loaded up and began this new life.

I keep talking to G about it. I tell him I want others to know that even with just winging it, that it really was 100 times easier than I imagined. That I thought because the pregnancy was so easy that the birth would be hard. Instead I found it was, well, relatively easy. I know everyone is different, but I am so, so glad I went without the drugs. She was alert and looking around immediately. She was instantly comforted by my voice. (Something that continues even through this nightmare...I can easily calm her by talking to her.)

It's not easy, but it was far easier than even my best case scenario I thought of. I was walking easily that night, and this whole week even with all the madness I've been doing well, recovering quite well.

She is here and she is utter perfection (if a bit discolored). She's been an easy baby, feeding well (except one bad afternoon), she lets us know when she's hungry or needs a change, is easily calmed by our voices, shushing and swaddling, and stares at us her eyesight improves. She's even holding her head up off our chests for bits of time. Even here, surrounded by crying babies, she sleeps peacefully bundled up like a burrito.

She is here and was worth every single second.

This Too Shall Pass

2011-11-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

Seeing as how my pregnancy and even labor were so easy, and even breastfeeding has been a pretty smooth ride with it coming fairly naturally to us both, we knew something had to be coming. Call me superstitious or paranoid but that much easy must mean hard is around the corner.

On Friday we discovered that her bilirubin levels were a wee bit too high. Jaundice, something I thought was simple. By Saturday they had jumped even more, so we were admitted at Johns Hopkins and spent our weekend here, leaving at midnight on Sunday. Yesterday morning they had jumped again rather than going down, and tests this morning showed they had jumped into the high risk range.

So here I am, sitting in the infant and toddler section of Johns Hopkins. Luckily so far all of the nurses and doctors have been amazing, so we weren't stressed about coming back. When our pediatrician called we went home, ate lunch, nursed, packed and headed here. They just told us that even before she received light therapy her levels have already gone down,m which is an excellent sign. Maybe she just had higher levels longer than the normal 4 day average. At 5 days old, having been irn easily at a birth center we've spent more time at the hospital than home!

So prayers and thoughts are greatly accepted. Her heels look like a pin cushion (she's been stuck over a dozen times and the numbers continue). But other than the levels she's completely normal, alert, eating well and sleeping. I tell her this is spa and she's trying to not look like a Jersey Shore cast member!

I'll update this once we're home, which I'm hoping is by Thursday when she's a week old!

Butterball Turkey

2011-11-25T22:18:00.000-05:00

3 hours old

Eleanor Rose Marie.... We're calling her Nora.

Well as I am typing this on my phone while she sleeps in my arms I will keep it fairly short. My water broke around 9 p.m. on the 23rd and she was here at 8:32 a.m. on the 24th. One of the first things I said was that I had just given birth to a butterball turkey. She weighed 10 1/2 lbs, but the midwife said their scale weighed a few ounces heavy. Today she weighed in at 10 lbs 1 oz. She's tall at 23 inches! We got the "all looks good" and were headed home by 12.

She loves to be a burrito baby!

I did it all natural like planned because even if I had decided I wanted drugs, by the time I made it to the midwifery I was at the end and it was time to push within 20 minutes. I guess 6 hours or so of labor wasn't too bad, so I can't complain. I apparently have, to quote the midwife, "babymaking hips/pelvis."

Posting might be light as I'm recuperating from the whole thing.

She likes to sleep curled up in our arms, so when I'm awake enough I appease her.

I'm completely in love.

Delightful

2011-11-23T00:17:00.001-05:00

Two posts in one day, I must be busy! I got the playlists done, the kitchen is nearly clean, and I have a bundle of white onesies I'm about to dye deep purple and kelly green tomorrow. We drove out in the pouring rain to Home Depot and picked up some new drawer pulls for her dresser, only to have one drawer too thick, so we need different bolts for it. But there's a closet organizer hanging in her closet, filled with blankets and our babywearing stash. Her drawers are full and scattered around my living room as I just did what I hope is the final coat of paint on the front of the dresser. Tomorrow I'll finish the sides, we'll attach the changing pad to the top, and hopefully her drawers will be nestled away, awaiting the need to open them.

I started this morning in this flurry of nesting, and it's just struck midnight and I'm still feeling that instinct. The need to get everything in the house done, which is impossible and makes me cranky. At one point tonight I realized we still hadn't found all the cloth wipes we'd washed and I was beginning to panic. I have this sense of her coming really soon and we sorta needed them. Everyone keeps calling and texting to see if she's here, and of course she isn't or they'd know. And I meant it when I said that I would wait up to the 2 weeks late point as long as the midwives would allow it (and unless she gets too much bigger they will). Yes, I'm eager to just do this already and get to hold her and stare in awe, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one. I don't believe in inductions except for absolutely necessary medical reasons, and so far she's right as rain and will take her own sweet time.

I'm hoping to do this without drugs. I'm aware I may want them. And if I reach a point where I simply can't do it anymore, then I'll face making a choice then. However, I have a scary high pain tolerance, and that coupled with being as stubborn as a bull means I'll give it my best damn shot. I figure at least I'm giving it a whirl. No matter what I'm just aiming to get her here healthy.

It still doesn't seem real, the idea that sometime very soon they are going to hand this tiny thing to me and just let us take her home. I'm glad G will be around for quite a bit, because I'm planning to spend the first week or so in bed to recuperate, with him doing the running up and down the stairs. I can't wait to see her little face, to check to see if she has our dimples. G wants her to have my green eyes, but I think he's outta luck with his brown being a more dominant gene. I want to see what color hair she's born with (the sonogram a month or so ago showed a nice full head of hair). I want to count the wrinkles of her skin and just experience the awe she'll have at discovering the world around her. It will make this whole insane time worth it. She will be ours and we'll be hers and it'll be just the beginning of a most delightful adventure.

Life's Soundtrack

2011-11-22T07:36:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here in front of the glowing tree. I should be sleeping, but I got G off to work and then started tidying. I should be sleeping. But I got about 6 hours and that was nice. Apparently I'm experiencing some last minute nesting instincts. Maybe my little to-do list will get done today.

So I sit here, going through iTunes, working on my 2 playlists for labor. Calming Music and Music To Dance To. Have I ever talked about dancing on here? How G and I will bust out music and dance around. There was once an early Saturday that included knee high boots, a silk slip and Creedance Clearwater Revival and it was glorious with the sun streaming in our bedroom window. I dance when I'm happy and I sing when I'm sad. Luckily I have a husband who enjoys both.

So on the dance playlist so far is music like Adele and Eminem. Oh yes, I have major love for some of Eminem's work, I consider his (more recent) lyrics harsh truths that shouldn't be brushed under a rug. There's also OK Go, Amy Winehouse and Maroon 5's "Moves Like Jagger." And Marc Cohn's "Walking in Memphis." I want music that I can move to, that will pump me up and allow me to get through this event.

The Calm playlist is for when I need to just breathe, but more for once she's here. Music I can listen to while I stare down at her. Adele's "To Make You Feel My Love" and Sarah McLachlan's "Blackbird" from the I Am Sam soundtrack. And my favorite "Hallelujah."

It's an eclectic mix overall. There's very few musical genres that I don't like (techno being one that gives me migraines...but I'd listen to it if I ever made it to the Love Parade). I want Little Miss to feel the beats pulse through her blood and teach her to never be ashamed of her movements to it. To teach her that life is a dance that even when it's not happy moments, there are moments that are worth experiencing.

As I look back on my life, my past, there are crazy moments. Times that even typing on here would seem unbelievable. But I've come to appreciate that each insane twist, every moment that perhaps should be forgotten or told with a blush is what prepared me for the life I have now. So trying to incorporate all of that, all the bittersweet and the spinning so fast you can't breathe into this sort of life soundtrack (after all, I suppose it's true I'm bringing in a new life), well, it's difficult. Do I leave out a sad song because I don't want to begin her life that way or do I leave it in because it's necessary for joy?

So I add the music that has formed a soundtrack of my life until now. Music that causes me to smile and music that causes me to ache somewhere for something that happened long ago, such as Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now." I want to teach her about life. And the reality is the sweet goes with the moments of salty tears.

And The Stockings Were Hung

2011-11-21T06:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was super busy. With Little Miss' imminent arrival, we've been trying to get some last minute things done. So I laid out the drawers for her dresser and finished giving them their second coat. We opened the mattress and put it in the crib. The bags for the hospital got packed the night before and placed next to the door, ready for go time.

And then we tackled the biggie...the sitting room. After cutting the rug pad, measuring everything 10 times to make sure the rug was placed perfectly even on both sides of the fireplace, and laying down the rug (with at one point me lying across one end while he straightened), it was time for furniture. We live in a row home, with long, narrow levels. So while our living room is actually quite large and spacious (since it's been modernized...originally it probably would have been a quite small parlor), it's hard to figure out furniture configurations. What we had originally planned did not work (no way to get to actual sitting space when we tried putting the tree by the window), so in the end we moved the sofa and love seat 3 times. Oh yes...with G getting a bit testy about me helping though he knew well enough that he couldn't move the sofa without me at least guiding it.

So the sofas were placed and the tree came downstairs to go up and this monstrosity of amazingness was in place. I jumped up on the love seat to hang the stockings from the windowsill. We turned the electric fireplace on for some coziness and it was done. We headed to bed, tucked under the duvet we brought out for the first time in forever (last year was too warm, surprisingly)....with Max positively pissed when we moved it from being double layered under him (he's a spoiled kitty).

We put the tree up a bit early (though not October like G wanted) because it takes so much energy...energy we knew we might not have later on. The garland is still boxed up to be put on the bannister. Most of the ornaments are still nestled away...though I couldn't help myself this morning and put several of the new ones I've picked up on. But the room is set for the coffee table to arrive today, and then the insane decorating and baking season will commence. We're not doing much in the way of gifts for ourselves this year, choosing instead to purchase things for our home we want (how very grown-up of us, we know). But for our daughter's first Christmas we want her to see the magic of the room lit by a tree with 1400 little lights, casting a glow that says "She's here because He came."

So for my 21st day of November I am thankful for a God who gave me this little Christmas time miracle, a baby that a year ago I was beginning to accept might not be in the cards for me. And as she's not even here yet and I cannot imagine losing her, I am thankful for a God who gave us His son as a representation of His love.

It's Friday, That's About It

2011-11-18T14:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was another midwife appointment. Turns out that the reason I'm so egg shaped (and measuring 3 weeks further along...at 39 weeks) is that Little Miss has decided she no longer wants to face the back and has rotated, causing her knees to jut out my front (and allow her room to shove her feet so hard into my side that I felt like an alien was trying to break through). So now I've been assigned to do some stretches and exercises to try and spin her around to avoid back labor.

Oh, and I got told to cut out sugar and juice and carbs. Well, other than the andes mints in our house we don't really have sugary sweets (though I'll try and cut it out of my coffee as well), I haven't drank any juice in quite a while (the apple cider has been forgotten in the fridge, I told G to drink it), and I'm not really big on carbs lately. To be honest, all I've been eating is oranges. But as Little Miss is already 8 1/2 lbs (estimation), they'd like me to essentially starve her until she arrives (or that's how I put it). I just laugh, because if she's not over 9 lbs she'd be smaller than I was expecting (we just tend to have big babies, even G was 8 1/2 lbs in the early 80's).

So we had fish and some tiny roasted potatoes for dinner because yes I understand potatoes are carbs, but they had been bought earlier and needed to be used and so I had maybe 6 marble sized potatoes. Tonight we'll be hitting up IKEA to grab coffee (free with our family card) and walk, walk, walk. I need to get this thing going, so walking and climbing stairs will be my life for a while.

However, I have yet to fall to pieces when it comes to style. I do my hair, make-up and then throw on one of the maternity shirts I have (or a couple that aren't maternity but a stretch knit that fit beautifully still), dark jeans and flats. I'm looking forward to getting to start wearing more of a variety after she arrives, but for now I deal.

So the weekend will be finishing things up, hopefully finally putting up the tree (G's been too tired lately), and walking galore. Anyone have any exciting plans for the weekend?

To Impart

2011-11-17T07:53:00.000-05:00

I've spent some time recently thinking about what I want this daughter of mine to learn from me. And I quickly realized that it's all things I've hoped to impart here to you readers. I suppose it's good that I'm nothing if not consistent. Here are a few things I firmly believe in:

* Use your china. Saving it for a rainy day is ridiculous. Those you surround yourself with should be those you value the most...they deserve your best.
* Screw being practical sometimes. Buy that white item for your wardrobe or that glass item to sit out, even if you have kids. But be practical about stylish flats when you are traveling.
* Tennis shoes/athletic apparel is for the gym. Not for foreign travel. Invest in comfortable but stylish traveling clothing. I don't even wear that stuff on our long road trips.
* Love freely. Don't hold back affection from those you love. Life is too damn short for a stiff upper lip mentality.
* But hold your cards closer than the average American with strangers. Don't give your life story away to everyone.
* Buy less, invest in more. More into your retirement, more in quality clothing, more into life memories. But not on credit (at least none you aren't paying off each month).
* What you eat is directly applicable to your health. Stop thinking in quick fix mentalities. Eat better food, eat less and move a bit. I guarantee it's the best diet.
* Everything in moderation. Too much of anything is bad for you. It's a universal truth.
* Tough love is tough, hence the name. No one grows up by being coddled or enabled.
* Find something you love to do even if it doesn't pay well (or at all).
* "Living within your means" means not having to worry so much about making more.
* Buy the poufy dress or fancy tux. Wear it. Twirl.
* Happiness is found not in the poufy dress, but in the twirling.

I haven't been so good about posting my days of thankfulness, though it's been on my mind daily. Today I'm thankful that I have a partner in crime who will read that list and completely agree with it. A man who lets me rant about the exact opposite of all of it, and who feels as passionate about a well lived life as I do.

I'm a week from their "guess date." Sleep doesn't come easy, when it comes at all. So I've had a ridiculous amount of time to think on all of this. If I kept going the list would be as long as an actual novel (with more details added in). Perhaps some day I'll write it for her. What it essentially comes down to is choosing to live a life where you actually live, but in a healthy way...physically, mentally, and financially. It's not easy all the time, but life is happier when I live by that.

If you could give your closest friends one piece of advice on life, what would it be?

Modern Technology

2011-11-16T21:04:00.001-05:00

So our iPhones came this week and tonight we went and switched carriers and set them up. I'm having a blast with Siri (the personal assistant app) as she seems capable of finding me anything from coffee to an escort service quite quickly (and amusingly).

The great part is that I had won an app a long while back that G uploaded to his iPad, but is now on my phone. It's a baby app, and has a contractions timer, which I'm thinking will come in handy. It will also be nice to have something I can search for topics on and reviews of right when I need it. I can't tell you how many times I've realized we were a bit behind the times because we had to jot down so many things to look up once home (which is a gasoline waster, really).

The reality is that we have a ridiculous amount of Apple products in this home. We started with an old iPod that G had (that we subsequently lost somewhere in the move), and then expanded to an iMac laptop. We picked me up an iPod shuffle for when I was running so much before, and G an iPad for Iraq. And then G acquired another laptop in Iraq, and now the iPhones. Essentially we would have been stupid to go with another type of phone, when this allows us to sync everything so easily.

Now I'm excited to download a couple apps to help make life easier. As I mentioned way back last February, I'm planning to get Stylebook to catalog my entire wardrobe and come up with different outfits for the days when my mama-brain isn't working but I still want to look chic. I'm also hoping to hunt down a financial app that might allow us to see how much of each part of the budget we've spent (keeping track of cash flow, essentially).

Do you have a smart phone? Any favorite apps you would recommend?

Last Minute Whirlwind

2011-11-15T13:16:00.000-05:00

I'm a mushy mess lately. G and I are both so eager to meet this little girl of ours it makes my head spin. At the same time, trying to finish up organizing bits of the house before she gets here and we still need to get the tree up.

I'm getting ready to completely clean the kitchen so that all the counters are free to work because it's important for me to cook something for dinner (rather than deciding on something quick). We've been eating out a bit this last week as well as just picking up things to assemble. My plans for stocking the freezer have been derailed by exhaustion (and an inability to find burrito sized thin tortillas). But I'm hoping to at least make a quiche tonight.

We bought the nightstands and picked them up on Sunday (got detained at base waiting on his uniform on Saturday). Good thing too, as a woman whose home is on a home tour here in Charm City was eyeing them and wanted them but the owner had put them on hold for us! I'll have to snap a photo once they're in our bedroom (currently they're in hiding behind the couch while we rearrange things). But they are a gold metal with a mirrored top and a glass shelf and I think they will look amazing once everything is done.

I have gotten one project done, an old picture that I took the board out of and replaced with one I had painted with chalkboard paint. It's going to be used once she's here and I'm super excited to see how it all looks! Her nursery won't be finished anytime too soon, but should be done hopefully before January gets here. The upholsterer can get our rocking chair done in no time, but unfortunately it's us finding the time to get the chair to him (they close too early for us on the weekdays). And the crib mattress should arrive tomorrow. Then I just have to finally make a decision about bedding.

Having this little girl has made me really rethink a lot of things in our life. It's made us have to be more accountable for living the life we espouse. Focusing on the important things, cleaning out the clutter (both literally and figuratively), and shaping a life that we love.

Oh Snap!

2011-11-13T19:43:00.000-05:00

We decided to save some moola by taking our own maternity photos. Just G, me, and a camera. Basically it was decided that this can't be too hard since G spends a lot of time taking pics of me! We did it over 2 days, had a blast, and snapped some great photos that I'm very pleased with. Here are some of my favorites!

Rain Down Joy

2011-11-12T22:49:00.000-05:00

I have a thing for bleached wood...and my husband.

Today was one of those blissful days that has me wanting the hours to slow and the minutes to fade into an oblivion where there is no substance to time. We woke early-ish, G hit up the market, I got ready and we headed out. We had a few errands to run, but were mainly headed down to a beach for some more maternity shots. We stopped in to an Irish place and had black pudding and reubens before heading to the water.

It was cold water, as I discovered when I decided bare feet sounded like a brilliant time. It was beautiful out, perfect weather. G shared that he's never been buried in sand or made a sand castle, which is just sad, so we'll definitely be heading to the beach next summer!

An outtake...me jumping up because the water came quicker and colder than I was expecting!

Then tonight we used another groupon towards Blue Hill Tavern and had a delicious meal. G's appetizer was calamari with a cilantro peanut salad...perfectly cooked. I ordered the seasonal special of roasted bbq quail with apple and cornbread.

For our mains, G had this mushroom wellington while I ordered the special of monkfish with butternut squash and apple quinoa and brussel sprouts with a red wine reduction. Both were so, so good. But thanks to perfect portion sizes (and me continually pushing my items on G), we made it to dessert: a pecan tart with banana ice cream and maple cream. It was orgasmically divine.

A well done meal, relaxation, and now onto rent and watch Crazy Stupid Love. A good day and night indeed.

Day 12 of Thankfulness: I'm thankful for the reminder of why we choose to spend more on good food. It makes the world seem more right.

Decisiveness

2011-11-11T19:56:00.001-05:00

The main problem in getting things done around our home involves 3 things that G and I share: indecisiveness, procrastination, and avoidance. Neither of us can really make a decision to save our lives, because we constantly second guess ourselves. We both tend to have good intentions, but put things off or forget about getting them done. And when we try to do too much, we get overwhelmed and we figure out ways to escape.

However, I am pretty dang proud of what we've been able to do in 2 months. We've assembled a wall of bookshelves (pics to come once the office is done). We've assembled 4 storage shelving units in the basement for a pantry and organization. We've built a crib and are halfway through painting a dresser that will be the changing table (3rd layer going on tonight). We've laid down a rug pad and rug in our living room after 2 years of trying to pick one (yes, 2 years). And we're even beginning to figure out a gallery wall. This coming from the people who have only hung a single mirror in 2 years despite having a bunch of artwork and mirrors is saying something.

Our decisiveness is improving as well. We know what bedroom set we're getting once we've dealt with getting new bedroom carpet installed (Max's claws may have destroyed the carpet near the door). And today we found both nightstands and a coffee table. I mean, holy moley! The nightstands are gold and glass and will perfectly compliment the darker, heavier furniture. They're vintage/antiques we're getting from a local store (buying tomorrow, we put on hold today while we measured). The coffee table we found while out measuring the bed for the nightstands and though in store it would take 6-8 weeks, we've just gotten home and already hunted it down online where it should be here late next week!

These seem like small things to some people. But for a person who struggles with never wanting to make the "wrong" decision, wanting things to be perfect, it's a huge deal. I want our home to look like we live here, a young couple with a new baby. I'm learning that it doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect for us.

So for Day 11 of Thankfulness, I'm thankful for the blessing of deciding on a coffee table being my biggest worry of the day. Too often I let things stress me out, but I'm beginning to see how lucky I am.

Mrs. Ada 'Arris

2011-11-10T18:27:00.001-05:00

Let me introduce my new cleaning lady. She's pretty fantastic.

She dreams of Paris too.

On freecycle earlier in the summer was an ad for a vintage Hoover vacuum. Apparently her previous employer had an aged dog and due to that fact was getting rid of all her carpeting in her home and no longer needed Mrs. 'Arris' services. She mentioned that she wasn't the brightest (her light didn't work on the front), but that otherwise she was a hard worker. I went to interview her and took her home. Before G returned I told him I was taking her to a training place (a.k.a. the most amazing vacuum repair place in town...they handle vintage beauties).

But since most of our home is hardwood I had yet to really test her skills. She sat quietly and politely by our front door, waiting to be called into action. Tonight I used her on small rugs and then on the hardwoods and she excelled at both. I'm very well pleased with this new servant.

The best part? The work I had done on her was fairly simple. I didn't have them fix the light (though I may later). She simply got a tune up, cleaning and a replacement on the brush I believe and was out of there costing me less than $50. She may not be the fanciest, what with her worn tan color and tiny tear in the part that holds the bag, but she seems capable of sucking tufts of Sophie's fur from a couple inches away. I've decided that nothing sucks like a Hoover (though she's a lady all the way)!

*her name comes from a movie with Angela Lansbury about a cleaning woman who dreams of (and reaches that dream) of going to Paris to buy a Dior dress.

Day 9 of Thankfulness I was thankful for a beautiful day on beautiful grounds to spend time with the husband taking photos. On Day 10 I'm thankful for an old vacuum that made my life easier!

Like A Mini Vacay

2011-11-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

Today we ventured out to an estate to take some maternity shots. We're planning on taking some more later this week, so I'll post a few after I've figured out which I love the best. But I wanted to show you the gorgeous place we were at. G says last spring they had an Alice in Wonderland garden party event there, which I would have killed to go to. It's a beautiful house that I hope to tour soon (because their library is drool worthy), but the grounds were spectacular!

Looks like something from Europe, right?

I antiqued this because I loved it, but the rest I didn't touch.

Ahh, the beauty of fall!

We had a blast snapping photos for about 45 minutes. Got some very nice ones, so I'm looking forward to taking more this weekend! And finally one last photo...my husband. *sigh* I love this boy.

Twinkle Twinkle

2011-11-08T21:52:00.000-05:00

Day 8. I'm thankful for so many things today, it's hard to choose! Max came home from "camp" and seems just fine. I figured he'd be resentful and be pissy, but in fact he seems quite delighted to sit on our laps and be petted and loved on. So I'm thankful for a cat who today decided to be a lover not a fighter.

Practice contractions started today. It was almost...reassuring. It's a type of pain I can handle. So now we really feel like she could be here any day. Exciting and overwhelming.

Using the last of our groupons for this restaurant we went to Indian for dinner. I love going, probably because the waiters and manager all adore me and like to bring me treats like mango lassis and extra desserts. They're super nice, and interesting once you get them talking. I think they're going on the cookies list this year.

Tonight we're finishing cleaning and organizing the living room so that later this week we can put the tree up. It's an ordeal we'd rather have out of the way before she arrives. Last year it cut our arms up pretty badly, so this year will involve long sleeves and gloves. I'm hoping to take a mini road trip after she is here to a place to get fresh boughs of greenery and maybe a wreath. Yesterday we stopped into a thrift store and found 2 tiny star like candle holders that matched 2 I had gotten from my grandmama's home (which was an odd moment), so we now have 4 beautiful crystal taper holders for our advent wreath. Now we just need a wreath!

It's beautiful and crisp here and we're hoping to go take some photos at one of the John Hopkins campus estate homes. If any turn out well I'll share! For now I'm off to get a mug of coffee and start playing some Christmas music as we make the house twinkle!

All Because of Science Fiction

2011-11-07T23:48:00.000-05:00

It's official. G is trying to kill me so that he can have the baby all to himself. Though I've kindly explained that since I'm still physically attached to her, this would be a bad idea.

We were arguing (jokingly) over Star Wars. Why? Because of some stupid image and him trying to rile me up. Basically he was being a pain. I told him not to mess with me because since I grew up with my dad and 3 brothers, I was pretty sure I'd seen them more than him. This is when he told me that one summer he watched all 3 movies nearly every day. Yeah...he's a nerd.

His comedic timing being impeccable as usual I had just taken a drink of apple cider, while reclined back. A large drink. And instead of spewing it out in a spray, I suddenly found myself choking and apple cider pouring out of my mouth like a river, covering my chest and dripping onto the quilt I was lying on. G freaks out, thinking I'm going to be sick or die or something. I admit I panic because I can't get a breath in through the liquid. Over quickly, but mildly terrifying.

So yes, he is trying to kill me. But at least this happened just a bit ago and my quilt is already in the wash. So, for Day 7 I am thankful for the ability to live another day. Life is good.

Wonderful Laziness

2011-11-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

Today was both lazy and super busy. We went to an earlier Mass than normal because we had a brunch at noon. Mass was nice (okay, hippy-ish...I felt like I needed a gauzy skirt and flowers braided into my hair), we had coffee after. And then we headed to brunch which was delicious. I've played it safe this whole pregnancy and decided today that my chance of salmonella poisoning was ridiculous, and had the country eggs benedict. Delish!

After we meandered about, making our way to the shopping center where I finally picked up the Chanel Illusion D'ombre eyeshadow in Epatant. Looks as gorgeous as ever, pics to come soon! I seriously can't get over how well this eyeshadow wears...it lasts forever.

Picked up the cutest little snail ornament from Anthropologie. Our little escargot is almost here, and we wanted to celebrate that. We also bought a few kids books, including The Polar Express (my copy got damaged in the move from England...honey all over it!) and How Dinosaurs Say Goodnight.

Not all fun and games though. We also took the time to stop in and deal with cell phone plans, and in 2-3 weeks we will have the new iPhone 4s. G's thrilled, I'm a little nervous (I don't want to turn into someone who is super connected to their phone), but it should be nice to have access to the internet while out.

Overall, a beautiful day. Yesterday was day 5 of the thankfulness, and I was super thankful for us being able to find G a new blues uniform. Today I was thankful for the ability to spend so much time on my feet before I wore out.

Friday Fun

2011-11-04T21:59:00.000-04:00

Day 4 of Thankfulness. I'm thankful for a marriage that is filled with laughter. Yesterday was spent folded over gasping for air, with threats that if we didn't quit building off of each other I was going to end up in labor. Today was spent laughing at life over coffee. Laughter is a true blessing in a world of crazy.

I have a funny post about terrifying G and cutting his hair last night. But it's a wee bit long, and I need to take pics so you can see my masterpiece! (It was my first time cutting his hair and I was using beard a body trimmers...yeah.)

Today has been interesting. G and I headed out for coffee once he got home, enjoying some of the last good days as it gets freezing. Rum balls with chai and cafe au lait made for a lovely afternoon. Then it was off to pick up chalkboard paint for a project I'm working on (for Little Miss's announcement once she arrives), and then dinner at our favorite Mexican hole in the wall. Tried their cured flank steak taco and it was so good, I emptied the meat out, ate the corn tortilla with salsa and then savored each bite of steak. And we finally ended up at Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn for some Christmas shopping. We got this white stone owl:

Source: crateandbarrel.com via Kate on Pinterest

Plenty of other ornaments we have our eye on, but we need to figure out what we need first (silver and gold ration, speaking). We did pick up a glass church that is silver and gold from JoAnn's though!

I'm excited to spend some time in front of the glowing tree, with LM curled up on G, getting my craft on for ornaments this year. Three words: gold glitter balls. Oh yes. Tonight we're resting a bit, sipping on chai before the crazy weekend starts. Hope everyone had a lovely end of the week!

Too Early For Christmas?

2011-11-03T11:47:00.002-04:00

*Today is Day 3 and I am thankful for a knitting group that is not just about knitting. We discuss sewing, canning, food (we all seem to love food), books, goings on about Charm City, etc. Every time I make it I'm reminded why I feel at home there.*

Source: sugarpiefarmhouse.com via Barbara on Pinterest

Last night I went a little giddy as I continue to get excited for Christmas. The store had eggnog and rosemary trees and we drove home having very serious (in a child-like sort of way) discussions about how we want to make sure to give our daughter magical, old-fashioned sorts of Christmases. G later tells me he used to think those sorts weren't really possible until he married me. What he is kindly saying is I go a little nuts and insist on old-fashioned over-the-top sorts of things. Such as I have been determined all year that this year I will make a damn figgy pudding...or pudding of some sort...around Thanksgiving and then soak it in alcohol (probably brandy) for a month until Christmas.

Source: historicalfoods.com via Sariann on Pinterest

We're skipping Thanksgiving this year, not because we're not incredibly thankful for this life, but because it's that exact life which will have us insanely busy and we decided stressing over a dinner was not worth it. Because of that we've actually been working on Christmas things since G's vacation in September. I've been buying up ornaments and candles (this year I'm on top of the advent candles finally!), planning recipes. Last night at knitting we were actually discussing Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses (one of the women in my group owns our favorite cafe and is thinking of doing a gingerbread Notre Dame I kid you not!). And G has been itching to put the tree up, so I think that's what we'll be doing sometime next week.

Source: marthastewart.com via Kate on Pinterest

I want Little Miss to grow up with strong traditions. Buying (or hunting down on our future property) greens to make into wreaths, swathing the house, and decking the halls. Hanging kissing balls and mistletoe. Putting candles in every window. Going caroling and on sleigh rides. Hot cocoa, mulled wine, egg nog. A huge old fashioned dinner and breakfast the next morning. Friends and family gathered around the fire. Love, midnight mass, nativities. Baking cookies and candies in a flour covered kitchen.

Source: dayspring.com via Janine on Pinterest

We're not really into the gifts. Not that she won't have any. Rather, she'll have some amazing ones I am sure (eventually things like a play kitchen, a dollhouse, etc), but that it won't be the focus. The stockings will be filled with candies and small items (such as an orange). But I want the memories to be about the activities, the festivities of the season.

Source: potterybarn.com via Misti on Pinterest

I grew up in a family big on spending time with family. Decorating the tree all together. Driving through lights while singing Christmas Carols. Reading "The Night Before Christmas." I want those sorts of things to continue and that takes planning. So we're planning ahead. Not just for this year, but for all the years to follow. After all, it is "The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year."

Have you started planning for Christmas (or another winter holiday)?

A Month of Thankfulness

2011-11-02T12:35:00.000-04:00

My friend Anna was posting a thing about 30 days of thankfulness on facebook. And since she too was a day late I'm giving myself permission to jump on board a day late too, so I'll start out with that. Yesterday would have been Day 1, and I think I would say that I am absolutely thankful for a husband who is the best man I know. He loves with his whole heart, he cracks me up to the point I can't breathe (maybe not a good thing right now), he dances in the kitchen with me, remembers to pray at meals so much better than I do, finds me sexy at 9 months pregnant, and is absolutely enthralled with the movements of our daughter and wants to see and feel them all.

My Day 2 would be that I am thankful that during the sonogram yesterday they decided that yes, a month ago she must have hit a growth spurt because this month she's right on track (coming in at an estimated 6 lbs. 13 oz.). Which means that with her arrival looming at "any day in the next few weeks" category chances are we're looking at her being under 9 lbs...hallelujah! I was willing to do what I had to, but 8 lbs. sounds easier than 9-10.

We had snowfall this weekend, nothing really accumulated (though it came down insanely), but it seems it was Mother Nature's way of "gently" reminding the trees that they needed to do their part and change the colors of their leaves to a more seasonal look! My doctor's appointments yesterday were all in Annapolis, and the drive there was stunning. It honestly looked like I could have stepped back in time, the hills afire with so much color!

This autumn is turning out to be a gorgeous time of year, both by scenery and life. I'm still keeping busy, because that's how I roll, but I'm also learning to say "I need to rest" and actually getting some. I picked up some Tazo chai tea mix at TJMaxx yesterday and we enjoyed a cup of that with apple pie (that I made on Sunday) last night. Usually we'd do coffee, but I wanted us to both get some sleep.

G has next week off so that we can finish things up around here. Yes, we're all last minute like that. We're also planning to head out to some local parks so that G and I can get some maternity shots in. I think we may make the park an annual place for some photos, and it's weird thinking of tramping through the leaves next year with a one year old. Weird in a delightful way though.

And today I'm hoping to attend my knitting group (haven't been in um, 2 months), finish making applesauce, and maybe get our rug laid down in the living room (it came this summer and has been waiting to have furniture moved and a the rug pad arrived today!). So much to do, but I'm lucky I have an awesome man here to help me do it all. I feel incredibly loved and blessed.

Seeing The Hidden Blessings

2011-10-31T06:46:00.000-04:00

I think sometimes it's best to step back and count your blessings. I'm a fairly positive person, and I did surprisingly handle the shoe polish catastrophe without freaking out. I simply had an early moment of "Please leave me alone while I figure this out" and then I moved on into attack mode.

So this morning I'm thinking about the dry cleaners and getting back to them and suddenly hits me that this is actually a huge blessing in disguise. For those who are married or in long term relationships, you may recognize this in your own man, but G generally doesn't ask for much for himself. I think this is part stereotypical men-obliviousness--- such as not seeming to notice when his socks are getting threadbare, and part not putting his needs high on the list--- such as his blues uniform.

G has had this uniform pretty much his whole military career. And well, he's not even the same size as he was then! His waist now is between a 30 or 31, several inches smaller than when we got married (and that was smaller than when he got the uniform...he's been belting it tightly). His pants were originally hemmed by someone who clearly knew how to sew less than I do (and I've never hemmed anything so far), as his pants have always been a bit high. So loose and high. Lovely. But G was always the type to say something along the lines of "I only wear them one day a week, it's stupid to replace them." Have I mentioned that waist line means his shirt was not well fitted either? (Though admittedly not enough that anyone would notice that.)

My husband has an excellent slim figure, with the upside down triangle. He's been working on toning up and building a bit of muscle, but overall he has what we call the stereotypical "Brit" figure. He looks best in slim fitting pants and suits. So I texted him while he was on his way to work this morning and told him screw getting the stains out, I would work on his zip up jacket once the cleaning fluid arrives (not sure if it has damage as it's dark navy, but it's the one thing that fits fine), but that we were buying him a new uniform.

You could tell he was happy and that he thought it was a great idea. It's not a decision he would have ever suggested, but it's one he deserves for me to make. So really, what was a catastrophe is really just a nudge to maybe "treat" him to something he'd never ask for but needs.

Disaster Strikes

2011-10-30T12:11:00.000-04:00

So yesterday started out beautiful and quickly went downhill as the stress of the looming deadline (Miss E) got to both of us. We had a little discussion, then ate lunch, picked up some necessities at Target. And then...by the end of the night we were arguing for the first time since G got home and it sucked. Royally. Miss Kate (yes I occasionally speak in the third person) desperately needed a nap, and at a little before 8 p.m. passed out.

Meanwhile her wonderful husband moved the dresser that was going to be in the office closet into the nursery and set it up on the drop cloth to be painted. That thing is heavy, so I'm sort of amazed he managed to do it all alone, but it was his olive branch and I took it. Which made the next part easier to deal with...

So I opened the dryer after having thrown some clothing in there to fluff up. We're working on the inside of our closet (spraying for spiders and whatnot before the cold sets in), and I had throughout the day been emptying it into the dryer to kind of freshen everything up. Well, apparently somewhere mixed into everything (we think possibly in the socks and underwear drawers though how we have no idea) was a tin of shoe polish. The waxy kind. And suddenly as we pulled items out of the dryer we realized that we were royally screwed. G's blue uniform he's supposed to wear on Mondays was covered in black spots. My gold silk lingerie? Oh yeah, spotted. The only lighter thing that didn't seem to get a single thing was my J Brand jeans, for which I practically kneeled down in thanks.

So off we headed to Wal-Mart to try and get some stain solutions. We tried something. No dice. I've contacted a dry cleaner (because of course none are really open on Sunday), and hopefully we'll get his shirt in to be looked at this week (he has next week off, so thank goodness for that). I'm also ordering the same dry cleaning fluid my mom has always used as a miracle worker, and hopefully that works on the silk. If not, I'll thank my lucky stars we have the money to replace his uniform and that there were a lot of things like tea towels etc that we don't care about mixed in (and the tea towels seemed to have caught the worst of it all).

So yes, my night was a little bit horrific. G and I are now joking that it must have been angry house elves. I'm thinking it's the bad karma from arguing over stupid things. Lesson learned. It's easier if we just take a breather rather than pushing ourselves to the point of irritation. That's when you miss things like a can of shoe polish!

Letting In The Quiet

2011-10-29T08:56:00.001-04:00

I awoke hazily this morning, aware that for some reason, I could not move too much. (I have a sense of awareness about space even when half asleep.) Max was curled up where my legs should have been, and he looked at me groggily as I turned to curl up more with the electric fireplace. I noticed on facebook that our CSA farm had gotten out this morning to come to the market and promptly turned right back around as they're further north than us, and this insane winter storm has begun already. So I got excited to tell G there would be no driving in the icy rain, we could just sleep in.

And this little girl kicks and bumps, it seems she has discovered in this last bit of time she has in her cocoon that she has feet. Still, I appreciate that so far there have been no rib kicks. I laugh and tell G that while I can tell her now to calm down, it won't be long before I'm reaching over to hit that vibrate button on the pack n play to help soothe her, or sitting up to just cradle her and her new baby smell. Time flies, and I can only imagine how I will feel 5 years from now, back reading these posts.

So today is a day in, as the rain/sleet falls. We were supposed to get 2-4 inches of snow, but the storm has moved off a bit, and it seems it'll miss us mainly. I haven't told G...he'll be disappointed. And best not to get him sad when he's making breakfast!

Applesauce, bread, quiche, and apple pie...all on my list to make today. Along with maybe painting a table and figuring out the basement. But for now, I relax in bed as G makes coffee and eggs with toast and we prepare to play scrabble and just be for a bit.

Seasonality

2011-10-27T21:21:00.000-04:00

I'm on a food kick, so I've been working on several posts where I'm up on my soap box. Be forewarned.

For the most part G and I try to eat seasonally. Which can be confusing when it seems everything is available, all the time, year round. However, you can clearly tell when things are less than great because it's not the right season.

I mentioned in my applesauce post that we only eat apples this time of year. To help get us through, I am canning the applesauce and apple butter as well as making dried apples. But it's not just apples. This time of year is the only time we do things with pears, pumpkins, and other squash (unless I've pureed and frozen some, then it lasts a bit longer). I love me some brussels sprouts, and so when tonight we saw stalks of them at Trader Joes I bought 2 stalks knowing they'd be gone by the end of next week. (If they make it that long!) I haven't had them since last autumn/winter.

Moving into the colder months we start to buy citrus, which contrary to the bright sunny-ness of it is actually a winter fruit. Hence why children used to get an orange in their stocking. So when the cold weather hits we are finally able to satisfy our craving for juicy oranges and tangy grapefruit. We bought our first bag of grapefruit tonight (which I love because they're small...the size of medium sized oranges).

Spring time means asparagus, peas, radishes and the beginning of berries. Summer means tomatoes, summer squashes (zucchini, yellow squash), peaches, melons and pineapples. I love when each one shows it's face and suddenly the flavors burst forth in my cooking.

We choose to eat seasonally because it's easier to find things locally and the flavors are far superior. But our main reason? It's because by eating seasonally we are constantly pleased with what we're having. We eagerly anticipate each season, we eat our fill and then we bid adieu until the next year. I love asparagus, but I refuse to buy it out of season when it's tough, stringy and less flavorful. I'd rather greet it each year when the first stalks begin to be harvested.

Some items we do eat nearly year round. Bananas are a staple. If I can find good looking tomatoes on the vine at the store, I'll buy those occasionally in the off months. Things like potatoes, onions, green beans and peppers are fairly easy to find year round in good condition (though I freeze a lot of these during their peaks).

So what to do if you suddenly want something in the winter or summer and it's not time? I suggest looking to frozen produce, which is usually picked at the peak, flash frozen, and really good for you. I occasionally want asparagus in pasta in the winter (when we're doing pasta with a ton of veggies), so I go to the frozen section. It absolutely will not taste the same because freezing alters cells, so expect that. But it's occasionally a nice way to get something you're craving.

By eating more seasonally than not, you find that those things aren't so appealing in the off season. I don't crave pumpkins in the spring time, but I'm more than ready for pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pie and pumpkin soup come autumn. Your taste buds actually seem to adjust to the seasonality of things, and you appreciate the flavors so much more. I highly encourage everyone to try and eat this way as much as possible. You'll find yourself enjoying your meals so much more.

Bits and Pieces

2011-10-26T14:56:00.000-04:00

I've written 4 posts before this one for today. One is a goofy one about Max (he decided that not getting any of my lunch yesterday was cause to hide behind the headboard and smack my head...he did this twice). And the other 3 are about cleaning and organizing and the baby and all a bit...raw. Sometimes, even in the blogging community where it's expected we're more open, it's hard to be bare.

So I thought I'd sum everything up in snippets because it's what I can handle right now.

*I'm amazed that I've maintained my health this whole pregnancy. That if anything, I have found a new appreciation for my body and what it can withstand. Today is a painful day, my hip joint hurts, my lower back feels like I'm being stabbed thanks to twisting, tossing and turning all night, but I still choose to be happy that I'm being allowed to carry a child when I had become afraid that wasn't going to happen.

*My eating disorder isn't "cured" since there isn't one. I still occasionally think, "Wow, that was a lot" but now it's followed with surprise that I don't care. I'm not in control of so many things right now, and this disorder is all about control, so I'm shocked that I've managed to figure out ways to keep calm and just keep moving. This might be more difficult when I'm no longer pregnant, but I'm remaining positive.

*I've spent years angry at G for his lack of help with the house, while refusing to acknowledge that yes, the way he was raised (non-organizational) was an issue for us, but that my laziness was too. I've since apologized and we've both found a surprising amount of pleasure in the hard work we've been doing. A comfort in the routines we've formed. We're still working to set up other routines, but it's looking more and more likely that our home will be how we want it before Miss E gets here. And the best part is that there have been no blowups the entire time he's been home..minor disagreements, but nothing that wasn't over in a few minutes, with lots of hugs.

*It's odd to feel both beautiful and not so chic all at the same time. Right now my ability to even get pants on is laughable, and G does actually laugh watching me try to bend what has become a more slender body over this huge protrusion on my front. From the back you still can't tell I'm pregnant, but from the front and sides it's comically round. We're taking some shots at a local park soon, so I'll be able to show you better this phenomenon. But it leaves me unable to move about easily because I feel like I'm not pregnant, but I have this thing that is always getting in the way!

*It's nice to have moments of quiet amid the chaos with the house. G has now read 2 books to Miss E (Charlotte's Web and Bunnicula), and will be starting on a third tonight. We've actually chosen a name, but are keeping it quiet because it's been nice to just be able to talk to her using it, and have it be our private thing for now. Usually I can't keep secrets, but so far I've only told one midwife when we were discussing old fashioned names. I'm excited to finally tell people once she's here and the story behind how we decided upon it (we think it's kind of cool), but for now it's nice to know it's something that is our little 3 Musketeers secret.

*Overall, I thought that during our first 4 years of marriage I was happiest because I had finally felt safe to be who I am....the Francophile nice dressing but cooking from scratch contradiction. But the problems with our marriage caused me a lot of heartache. I can now say I have never in my life been happier than where I am at, in my relationship, in my home, in my acceptance of who I am. And the good thing is that I expect that to only continue to get better as we go along!

Every Day I'm Snufflin'

2011-10-22T21:14:00.000-04:00

*The title is because thanks to a cute poster with snuffleupagus on it, I have been singing that all day and dancing some weird dance.

Today has been one of those great days. The sun was out, but it was cool and crisp. Farmer's market for our CSA, and also picked up some local free range eggs, some grapes (similar to concord), some granny smith apples (I know, I know, more apples!), some UV light apple cider (not traditionally pasteurized), and some sage to use with pork later this week. Then it was onto our little cafe for some cafe au lait and some Irish oatmeal with cream and brown sugar.

I came home and immediately began work in the kitchen. I began bread dough, and while it was rising I started other things. 9 more lbs of apples have been turned into 3 pints and 6 half pints of apple butter. I made pumpkin muffins and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Both super yummy. I reheated the pork chop and potatoes and sweet potatoes and beans from the other night for a light late lunch. And then after everything was completely done (much, much later) I grabbed a ham steak, pan cooked it, and sliced it up for ham and cheese sandwiches on our fresh whole wheat bread. Some end of season tomatoes accompanied it for a simple dinner that was insanely good (much better than I expected when I dreamed it up).

Now I've got the kettle ready to make some coffee to go with some chocolate pudding. G's been working all day, securing the bookshelves to the wall and building storage shelves in the basement. It's kind of hot to watch him work. :)

We still have donations to box up and load in the car, a nursery to completely clean out (most everything is in boxes, just was waiting for the books to be put on shelves to make room, and for shelves in the basement to set everything on) and vacuum so I can put everything up in there tonight. I'll be organizing while G builds the crib. Tomorrow we'll hopefully finally paint the dresser so that all her stuff can get put away nice and tidy. I'm exhausted but wired, my mind a whirring disaster of a million little to dos I want to just do right now. Ever have one of those days?

Oh, and my moment of pride? Even with all the cooking and baking, I've done 2 loads in the dishwasher, quite a bit by hand, and have a couple cookie sheets to wash. Other than that I've already wiped down my stove (some proved difficult as that apple butter splattered a lot... I have the small burns to show for it!), cleaned up the floor, and now just have to sit back and relax. I'm proud of these changes!

Apples To Apples

2011-10-20T20:28:00.000-04:00

So, after the orchard, we had 60 lbs of apples. And because of Little Miss I've been super careful about washing every apple I eat with baking soda and hot water, which is a pain, so I've eaten fewer apples plain like I normally would. Which leaves a lot of apples to have something done with them!

I decided I was going to try my hand at this whole canning thing, since last year it didn't go so well. I don't think I processed the kumquats long enough and refused to eat them, and the apple butter I made last year (what little G didn't immediately eat) we simply kept in the fridge. I was armed with the book "Put Em Up" and I was ready to rock this thing.

So far I've made 7 half pints of apple butter and 7 pints of applesauce, each with a little left over for the fridge. And other than one jar of applesauce (that I made this afternoon) that I don't think is going to seal right (all the others already have), they all came out beautifully. I've only used about 15/20 lbs of apples though, so I'm planning to keep on going with this so we're stocked up for the year.

Because, you see, we try really hard to eat seasonally. So that means that I only eat apples this time of year. And I love apples. By canning apple sauce, apple butter, and apple preserves and also making plenty of dried apples, we can enjoy them throughout the year. I'm still trying to figure out how to successfully freeze an apple pie, and then life will be perfect!

Like A Bird

2011-10-19T07:05:00.000-04:00

Well, the nesting instinct has increased, which has been awesome! I was afraid we wouldn't get much done last night because we were both dead tired, so came home after work and took a 2 hours nap. But we got our rears moving after dinner and I worked on cleaning up our "master" bath which hadn't been used too much (since G left) until recently. I need to finish that today. I'll be scrubbing the shower tiles with a brush because no matter what people here say, we do indeed have hard water (it likes to leaves orange deposits on the shower head and any place water collects...blech).

Overhauling the entire house should be exhausting but I generally find it invigorating. I do get overwhelmed, and that's usually when we call it a night. But overall, I'm loving seeing a place for everything and us really set up a routine. I have kept up with all the dishes since G got home. What has to soak overnight (like our chili pot last night) I take care of right after G leaves in the a.m. G handles the trash and recycling the night before rather than rushing the next morning. And he even has a weekly routine for cleaning toilets (something that has been an argument for our entire marriage!). Now I'll just be glad when the basement is finished and our pantry shelves are up, because the kitchen is cluttered with overflow (the jars of canned apple butter, cans of tomatoes and beans, etc). I'm also excited because our cabinets will have very little food in them upstairs. The cabinet that used to hold our canned goods and pasta and such (above the stove) will now hold our glass pyrex containers, making them easier to access. Our cabinet that used to hold our rarely used items (like the blender) will now hold a small bin for recycle. Before we were using brown paper sacks from the grocery store, but it quickly can become cluttered because we have a larger recycle output than we do trash!

The nesting also came into play last night as I was doing more baby laundry. As I handed G the Aden and Anais swaddle blankets to wash he just looked down and got all glistening eyed and said, "So soon she'll be wrapped in these." He's pretty emotional lately as he is so, so excited for her to get here. We even practiced using pre-fold diapers with covers last night (on our dependable "lambie" which for years has been our practice baby if I was trying to show him anything). I've heard so many mamas say their husbands don't want to do that sort of cloth diapering, but G is eager to learn how to do it all!

Today will be working to get the pantry shelves up downstairs, and running back to IKEA for more bookcases. Then it will be putting all of the books onto the shelves quickly to make some space to work. Over a dozen boxes of books, and I had to tell G that no, it will not take hours because we are not categorizing or alphabetizing right now, we are shoving onto shelves now, and he can take free time later to organize them. I'm so excited to be able to take pics of the wall of bookcases because no one believes me when I say we have that many books.

Finally, I still have more apples than any one person should have, and really, really need to make some applesauce. I sometimes feel like it's a waste of our time to do those sorts of things, but the other option is to waste 40+ lbs of apples, which I am wholly unwilling to do. So in between all the "fun" cleaning I also need to make applesauce and can it. So much to do, so much I want to do, but I have to remind myself that things like the nursery are less important (because she's not sleeping in there for the first few months), whereas getting the house organized and our bedroom overhauled is. Trying to keep priorities straight!

Maintaining Me

2011-10-18T07:31:00.003-04:00

It's an odd realization that before I know it I will have a little girl looking to me to figure out what sort of woman she wants to be, whether like me or different. So suddenly having to mean what I say and practice not just preach this lifestyle I feel is right becomes even more important. G and I sit and discuss teaching her table manners and to try this and to slow down and really see the beauty around her. To pick quality items over ones that aren't made to last. Choosing less but better. I laughed and said it may come to bite us in the rear when she looks and uses that logic to get something like Gucci sunglasses. Then we discuss teaching her about taking care of items to show she can handle that sort of pricey belonging.

I don't want her to see me as just her mama. Not only would that be unfair to me, but it would be a disservice to her. I think it's vitally important that she see me as a woman, a wife, a friend to those around me. That I am her mama but that it is not the only chic hat I wear. So as I go through my closet I think, "Is that something just comfy or a piece I love?" When planning for this next year I have chosen to think not just as a mother, but as a woman, considering activities that will please me and enrich who I am, separate from her. G will have classes and photography and perhaps a few other hobbies, while I'm hoping to work on my running again (I was easily running 5k before I found out I was pregnant). To learn to sew and to cook more intricate recipes. To maybe take a few fun classes.

I refuse to lose who I am, simply because I'm getting an additional title. Nor to lose who G and I are as a couple. Date nights may happen in house, but they will happen. I want to continue on this journey rather the changing to making my entire world narrow to a small being who will one day grow to not need me. When that day comes, I want to rejoice for who she has become as a woman, while being proud that she learned the steps from me.

I Should Be Tired

2011-10-17T07:05:00.000-04:00

I feel like I should be bone tired. Like, walking dead tired. G and I spent most of the weekend killing ourselves organizing and running errands. But instead I'm lying in bed forcing myself to kind of zone out and sleep a bit more before getting up. I'm wired, my brain whirring.

In the last month we've donated 5-6 trunk-fulls of items to Goodwill (and we have a large trunk). We were there twice this weekend and we have enough for another trip tonight. Which is insane. G's been well pleased with my desire to "just get it out of my house." We definitely had way too much of everything, especially books. We've gone through about a dozen boxes of books, giving away a substantial amount. We still need a wall of bookcases floor to (nearly) ceiling, but it's nice to kind of "streamline" a bit (more on that later!).

We still need to finish cleaning out the nursery but realized near the end that while we can put things in totes for the basement, this would require us doing the basement first (to have a place to put said totes). So we've spent a few hours going through things down there. Nice because we found our itsy bitsy snowsuit for Little Miss. And all of our canning jars. We ran to IKEA, grabbed a couple of their storage shelves and will build those this evening. In the end I'll probably have 6-8 storage shelves down there, with the first 2 being pantry items. Our kitchen is nice sized, but the storage in it sucks, so we're re-arranging and putting most food items down there. We'll have a unit for canned goods and bags of rice and beans and all my glass jars of excess spices. And the one next to it will hold things like the crockpot and waffle iron and blender...things that simply don't get used often, but are still things we need too much to get rid of (and I'm trying to learn how to use that crockpot more).

Which leads me to last night's adventures. I put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer for dinner yesterday afternoon. Then I cut up 6 1/2 lbs of apples and made apple butter and dried apples. My instructions said it wouldn't take long, and knowing we were busy I decided to utilize the crockpot for my apple butter (like I did last year), and use the oven for the dried apples. Well, what should have taken 4 hours tops for everything wasn't even finished until this morning! I finished canning the apple butter at nearly midnight last night (after having gotten fed up with the crockpot and moving the butter to a pot on the stove), but the dried apples took until we got up today because of all the moisture in the air. I probably should have gotten up an hour or two earlier to deal with them, as they aren't as chewy as I'd like, but they will be good reconstituted in oatmeal. I will say that as my first time really canning by the book that my apple butter seems to have done perfectly. They sealed as I took them out of the hot water bath last night and a proud G stood by smiling (he LOVES apple butter).

So, basically, I was on my feet all weekend, with just enough time off to keep them from swelling. I'm feeling the nesting instinct really start to kick in, so I'll be trying to make bread today, along with applesauce to can. We're canning a lot of it, since it's a good first food for next summer when she'll be trying things like that, as well as needed to go with pork. And of course, continuing to organize, organize, organize. By the end of this, I should have the home that suits me, and G is actually thrilled to just let me do my thing (organizing not being a strong point for him). I can't wait to have a home where tidying up and light cleaning is all it takes each week!

Autumn Weekend

2011-10-15T16:05:00.000-04:00

Just a little over a month to go!

Today we got up early to head to the market, then after navigating our way through the crazy traffic of some damn marathon (that is never really warned about...G was even on the Sun's website last night with nothing on their main page about it), we drove up to the butcher to pick up our hams, bacon, brit bacon, and scrapple.

We got a banana and nutella crepe. Mmm!

Lunch at Samos (our favorite little Greek restaurant), and I'm tuckered out and needing a nap. It's been a beautiful day, full of blue skies and sunshine and cooler weather. It seems Autumn has decided to show her pretty face!

Puppy Practice

2011-10-12T19:22:00.001-04:00

I am sure this doesn't completely fit the definition of normal. But Steph from Adventures in Babywearing was asking for submissions for International Babywearing Week, and I laughingly asked about dachshund wearing since I've been threatening to use Audrey as practice. Steph lol'd and told me to do it...and that was just the motivation I needed!

I chose the most complicated carrier (and the easiest to wash), and went with the sleepy wrap. I have to say, the motivation was helpful because this thing usually perplexes me, but within a few minutes I had it wrapped up and ready to go. Audrey was an eager participant (because anything that puts her close to my face pleases her to no end)...however, that meant that getting a decent picture was incredibly hard as I was trying to smile and show her, and she was simply trying to lick my nose.

In the end, I persevered. G was laughing at me because I was all, "Oh wait, we're not supporting her neck enough" as I adjusted the wrap. I'm wearing no make-up, my hair is pulled back and I'm exhausted...kind of like a normal new mom. And I finally got this wrap down with a month to go!

*EDIT* Everyone always comments that they'd love to see more puppy pics...sadly, we try. But as you can kind of see here those 2 have a chronic case of "wiggly butts" and nearly all photos turn out blurry!

Bliss

2011-10-11T07:36:00.000-04:00

Last night G and I headed to one of our favorite little restaurants for a dinner raising money for a group who is putting as many gardens in at as many schools as possible, and teaching the kids in this city about growing food, where their food comes from. So, when the cost was more than it was supposed to be, and the food was so-so, we laughed and said at least it was for an excellent cause. It helps that our waitress when she brought dessert complied with my "please put a huge wallop of whipped cream on top."

The thing is, these dinners out? Well, they're winding down. Soon we'll be nestled snuggly in bed with a little one and that sort of freaks me out. Because I still totally forget I'm pregnant more often than I think is normal, and can be found to stop in the middle of a store when I catch sight of myself because it actually startles me. So I was all, "let's go out and have a nice dinner with a glass of wine." But the conversation? G started out and I smiled and he asked what on earth I had that grin for and I said, "Because she's not even here and our dinners already consist of talking about her."

And he looked at me and got that whole, "Wait, stop, reverse that" sense and we continued on with normal grown-up conversation. We each had a glass of red wine, and I kept waiting for some fool to say something to me because G was seriously prepared to lecture (he said something about punching them, but as I don't think my husband has ever thrown a punch in his life, I'm pretty sure the person would have been safe). And the time was great, and then we came home and had rootbeers instead of coffee while we played scrabble on the iPad and then both passed out by midnight, even though we'd totally slept in that morning (which usually means we're up late).

We had spent the afternoon building 3 bookcases from IKEA, which were delightfully simple and we kept high fiving because the last bookcase we ever built was in our first year of marriage and at one point I had threatened to throw the hammer at him. So this time, the simplicity was fantastic and we laughed and danced about the room while music played.

And these are the days. My last quiet mornings to myself. The last month (or so) of getting up and just having to fix one adult breakfast and not having to worry about juggling a tiny little thing too. So we're super busy, but we're laughing and cuddling because we know that she is going to flip our world upside down, so having it even semi-upright is being enjoyed. Our little family of 2 is blissful...which is how a long weekend really should feel.

A is for Apple

2011-10-09T22:56:00.000-04:00

We went to the orchard yesterday. Picked up a small pumpkin (for a photo prop), over 60 lbs. of apples (4 different varieties), some horseradish mustard and a large mum for the front of our home. We walked away for under $40. For real.

Now we're home and working. G is attacking the jungle of weeds in our backyard... hacking, then weedeating and then we'll be spraying weed killer like our lives depend on it. I'm in picking up the living room which has been completely taken over by baby things. We're hoping to have that remedied completely by Tuesday.

While cleaning I have discovered that so far in the last week I've spent a pretty penny on candles that I hoard. They're by Michel Design Works, they're a soy wax, and my favorite scent comes out this time of year. Spiced Pumpkin. And this year we found a new favorite: Toffee Almond, which is a delightful, coffee sort of scent and we plan to use it in our bedroom as the scent du jour (until I splurge on some beeswax pillars). A single candle can make a whole room smell like heaven. They also make room sprays which smell delicious as well. I literally buy every candle in the scents I like any time I see them...which while a bit insane keeps me happy every year. My name is Kate and I'm a candle hoarder.

I've also begun shopping for Christmas items, such as ornaments and other decorations. We know that as brand spanking new parents we're going to be exhausted this year, so I've gotten a head start. Purchased stockings (finally!), and I will be making beaded wire initials to mark them. I also ordered a mercury glass style Big Ben ornament from Pottery Barn. Some people are complaining that Christmas items are already out, but for myself, this year, I'm thrilled. We have electric candles for the windows to procure, more ornaments to purchase for our insanely large tree (for those who are new, after we put it up on New Year's Eve last year we both sat in awe. I said, "Um, it's a little big." G responded like a little boy who finally saw Santa "Yeah, isn't it awesome?").

So, I'm getting a head start on all those things we need to buy/make/do. Christmas cards will be filled out sometime in November, ready to be mailed the beginning of December. The tree is apparently going up fairly early in November so we don't have to do it with a newborn. And hopefully I'll figure out either how to make or where to buy an extra large tree skirt for this thing.

Somehow this post went from picking apples to Christmas. I left out Thanksgiving only because I highly doubt we'll be celebrating this year as we'll either have a newborn, be having a newborn, or be waiting on a newborn. Which is sad because I do love turkey! Hope everyone is having a delightful weekend!

Thank You Mister Columbus

2011-10-07T15:42:00.000-04:00

A 3 day weekend! Woohoo! G and I will be working ourselves to death this weekend organizing, re-arranging, and hopefully getting the backyard ready for some landscaping (please, God, let it be a sunny weekend). However, we're also taking time to go to an orchard for some apples (okay, probably a lot of apples since last year we had 26 pounds). I'm going to be attempting to make applesauce and apple butter this year. Last year's apple butter was good, but I want to make sure I preserve it perfectly this year for G. And there are a few other apple things, such as dried apple rings, I'm hoping to make.

We're also using a Groupon and going out for Indian for dinner. We have so much to be thankful for, and a relaxing meal where I don't have to cook, will just be another. Don't you just love when you find Groupons (or such) for places you already frequent?

I'm hoping we're able to really get a lot done. I'm currently measuring 2 weeks further in belly size than I'm supposed to be, and since I've always figured I'm a week further than they think, we're treating the end of October as our deadline for getting the majority of things done. Of course we've already had problems pop up (like the shower leaking through the ceiling...oy vey), so it sometimes seems a bit overwhelming, but I'm staying calm and rocking on.

The time apart changed me, for the good. My temper is pretty much non-existent. For me, I've found getting mad and letting it steamroll just isn't worth a bad night. When G does something that makes me upset, I have a tendency to walk off and in 2 minutes I'm fine. Cleaning used to be the biggest instigator, now we are happy just to be together. Sure, it's insanely overwhelming, but we're in it together and preparing for our daughter. And that makes this life just that much sweeter.

Hope you all have a lovely Columbus Day weekend here in the U.S. or a just a pretty weekend altogether elsewhere!

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-06T07:24:00.001-04:00

Today is one of those days where I really need to remember the good things, to focus on the positive. Life is short but beautiful and the little things should be celebrated, thanks offered up.

* Grateful that I noticed the leak coming through the ceiling from our bathtub. It sucks, but was caught early and can wait to be dealt with. Our morning showers together will have to cease as our master bath just has a stall shower, but such is life.

* I made 2 loaves of wheat bread and apricot bread last night. Kitchen smelled amazing and we have bread for toast and grilled cheese now!

* We got a whole small list of things done yesterday and today should mean even more gets done. We kept going and didn't let small setbacks derail us.

* I was able to purchase a medela breast pump brand new for less than $200 thanks to a local store trying to move stock. Yes, it will probably all be reimbursable, but it was a nice savings.

* I'm enjoying a delicious pumpkin spice latte (I get it with half the flavoring to cut the sweetness).

* One of the doctor's offices through my John Hopkins insurance has a pediatrician who will sign my form to see Little Miss within 48 hours after her birth so the birth center will be a definite go.

* Just one more day to go and it's a 3 day weekend! Plans to go to an orchard, work on landscaping the back yard and finishing up clearing out the nursery and move all her stuff in there. Add to that a fundraising dinner on Monday I think we're going to at one of our favorite restaurants and things are looking up!

What are you thankful for?

Sonograms and Soap Boxes

2011-10-05T07:22:00.001-04:00

I apologize for this week feeling like Baby Week. Seriously, it's become a problem here in our house. All we talk about is her, her stuff and preparing for her. So it was bound to edge into here. I went for a sonogram yesterday to check positioning of things and such. Turns out we're perfectly healthy, and good to go for a birth center birth! The only thing the doctor there seemed concerned about was her size. I got a little irritated and I'm sure that will come out in my midwife appointment tomorrow.

I knew she'd be a bigger baby. I was over 9 lbs at birth, G was 8 lbs. 8 oz... we weren't expecting a small baby! (despite my coffee drinking, it has clearly not stunted her growth!) And I've thought from the very beginning that the due date was off more than a bit, and though my original OB conceded a little on that (since even in the very beginning she was measuring a week further along than they were guessing), she wouldn't really listen to my concerns. Hence me switching to my midwifery practice.

So though I know that the estimated weight can be off by 2 lbs, I got a little irritated because they want to see me back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound to check her weight again. I just smiled, said okay, and then walked out of there annoyed. The truth is, short of her being so big that they literally have to transfer me to a hospital for a c-section, I'm unwilling to even consider scheduling one for her size. Too often those babies come out at a size that was perfectly deliverable. If she's 8-9 lbs, even close to 10, I'm really not concerned about my body's ability to deal. And the good thing is, that from interviewing my midwifery before, I don't think they'll disagree. Your body has a remarkable tendency to not give you a baby too big to handle (I would be more concerned if I didn't have wider hips, and if G and I weren't about the same size height and bone structure wise).

Anyway, off my soap box. We're thrilled she's coming soon (possible sooner than we expected). We've got nearly everything we need for her right now, just a few things still to pick up. The nursery may be getting decorated after she gets here if she arrives too early, but she'll have a place to sleep, food to eat, and diapers and clothes to wear which really is all a newborn needs. Even a slightly larger one! Now I just need to stock up on bows and such because turns out she already has quite a bit of hair!

Corned Beef and Cake

2011-10-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

G and I sat down to coffee this afternoon. I love that a hot drink of some sort is now an afternoon routine. Usually accompanied with something sweet. G has a wee bit of a sweet tooth that I had trained away, but came back during deployment. And because he's a skinny minny I indulge him... he's had 3 different sorts of dessert today!

We spent a couple hours working on clearing out more in the nursery. Lots of old papers to the recycle. Several boxes full in the trunk to go to Goodwill. And nearly half the room is cleared out. Three huge boxes hold the 9' (very full) Christmas tree, and a couple are ornaments and whatnot. So clearing out the Christmas items and the room will be nearly done. I'm ordering a Christmas tree bag that rolls to put the whole tree in. A whole corner of the room is books waiting for us to put the bookcases together in the office, which is on the books for this week as well.

For dinner we had thawed out a corned beef from Trader Joes that turned out to be pre-cooked...so dinner was fairly simple. I put potatoes, carrots, cabbage wedges and onions in a pot, and once those were pretty much cooked we threw in the corned beef. It was delicious. I'd never liked cabbage much before (unless it was Indian or Ethiopian cooked with lots of spices) but this was delightfully tasty. We have a ton left, enough for more meals and also trying our hand at reubens! The broth has been set aside to get frozen as it is essentially veggie broth (though clearly not vegetarian), and will be perfect to use in soups this winter.

And while that all boiled I decided to go ahead and try another of my great-grandmother's recipes. I'm slowly making my way through some (her biscuits are already famous around here), and now with apple season here I thought an apple cake would be nice. Oh. My. Goodness. So, so good. Super moist (had a hard time removing it from the pan), slightly caramelized, and we enjoyed it with some fresh whipped cream and apple cider.

A wonderful end to a productive day.

A Recipe For The Chili-er Weather

2011-10-01T08:55:00.000-04:00

So I've had several people ask for my chili recipe, and really, it's quite simple. However, the written one I have is from my maman, and I tweak it because I like tomatoes. And I had both fresh that I needed to use and canned that I like to use. So here is the recipe, and I've added notes of what I did differently.

Maman's Chili Recipe

* 2 lbs. Hamburger (I've used 1/2 hamburger and 1/2 chicken or turkey before with good results...but I would say you need at least 1 lb. hamburger for the flavor.)

* 1/2 onion, white or yellow, chopped

* 2 (15 oz) cans tomato sauce

* 2 cans chili beans (I tend to use Bush's because that's really all they have here, and it works great)

* garlic powder to taste

* sugar (1 or 2 tsp)

* salt and pepper to taste

* ketchup (just a large squirt)

* chili seasoning (I only use Williams, but also add extra of my own)

In a big pot, brown hamburger and onion together. Drain well and then put back into the pot. Add 2 cans of tomato sauce and 2 cans of water. Then add the chili beans with half a can of water for each can of beans. Add the seasonings and mix well. I usually use at least a whole packet of seasoning mix, plus extra chili powder and cumin. That's me.

Bring to a boil and then turn it down to a simmer and let cook 20 minutes. Stir well.

**Now--- I didn't have tomato sauce on hand and I really didn't want to add to my grocery list. But I did have a couple fresh romas that needed to be used, and a large can of diced tomatoes. So what I did was brown the hamburger almost completely, added a small onion and the two tomatoes (cut in chunks) and cook that a bit. Then as that was draining I put the large can of diced tomatoes into the staub cast iron pot, and cooked and mashed them into a chunky sauce of sorts (with an extra can of water when doing the later bits). I like tomatoes, maman does not at all, but if you do this is a great way to do it. If I had more tomatoes I would have added them! I also add more onion and fresh garlic (I used a whole head) to the chili. I like these and think it makes the flavor wonderful.

You can use fresh/dried beans that you've pre-cooked. However, you will want to make sure you adjust the seasoning accordingly. It's one of the few times I used pre-flavored canned beans.

We serve with Louisiana hot sauce (not crap-tacular tabasco...blech), mexican blend or cheddar cheese, sour cream/yogurt/creme fraiche (used yogurt and some creme fraiche this time), and saltines. Delicious and healthy...but do try and eat a salad or something on the side for some veggies!

Balance Beam

2011-09-30T06:33:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite things to play on is a balance beam. I'm both extremely flexible and have very good body awareness and balance, and I love to jump around on one. (I'm a 7+ months pregnant woman who can still do the splits...or could at least as of earlier this month!) Balance beams require focus to keep your footing, having a plan of where your hand or foot will land in order to not slip and fall. But the most beautiful routines are the ones that are done well, but done with love and passion.

Life is to be lived boldly. A good life story is never told by those who lived meekly, sticking to a path of the known. It's told by one who looks back knowing that they lived days of wild abandon. Not always, for that is a way to get nowhere fast (and you do want to have a story don't you?), but frequently. Learning to say yes to life and "it can wait" to minor responsibilities. Learning to fear less what others think of you and focus more on what you have to say for yourself.

G caught me dancing a lot the other night. I had put a huge flower on the back of my head and was a dancing fool!

These days I'm trying to remind myself of that. Even if it's just the afternoon coffee which has become routine for us, sitting in the sunshine, before we take up things that need to be done. Yesterday we went to Target and spent nearly $100 re-stocking up cleaning supplies. Cleaning supplies! But it was something that had to be done. This weekend the yard will beckon to us, asking to be relieved of weeds grown far too crazy, and it'll be exhausting. But we'll take moments for sweet tea and meals spent with a glass of wine. And dancing, always a bit of dancing.

Will you throw caution to the wind and dance with life this weekend?

Beckoning Autumn

2011-09-29T05:57:00.000-04:00


Homemade wheat bread with dubliner and cheddar cheeses with apples (and milk!).

Yesterday was the perfect sit outside at a cafe sort of day.

The Belly. 32 weeks and not at all impressive while sitting, but I love this shot.

I am so, so glad this man is home!

Chili made with grass fed pastured beef, with cheese and greek yogurt!

I'm hoping to welcome fall, as we sit and sit hot cider and eat pumpkin muffins and delight in the cooler (albeit barely noticeable) weather. I'm ready for tights and scarves and plentiful layering!

Have you begun to beckon to fall to whisper through the leaves?

Another New Day

2011-09-28T06:26:00.000-04:00

I love the fact that each day I get the chance to get up and start over. This morning was a bit rushed as someone (ahem, not me) was running a bit behind. Still, he stood over me asking if I was going to get up with him this morning again. He's a grump in the a.m., but likes the company (and is still learning to deal with being away during the day), so up I got and heated up the last of the quiche which we enjoyed with glasses of milk. It's becoming routine, this morning madness, with him doing things like taking the recycle out while I pack his lunch. (which, before anyone suggests it is usually made up the night before, I just have to pack it, or add things that weren't ready the night before.)

I haven't slept much yet, and will promptly be heading back to bed in an hour or so, having cleaned up the kitchen. I can't sleep too much though because tomorrow I have to be up at 5 with him, so bed no later than 10 (which means moseying up there about 9 so he can read Miss another chapter of Charlotte's Web, which we're about halfway through).

I'm loving us forming routines. Yesterday we went out for coffee because it was good enough weather to sit at an outdoor cafe (it's been pouring here lately), and then gathered up things for chili for dinner. It was delicious and a good welcome mat for Autumn. She should feel free to start changing colors and getting less humid any time she would like as we're more than ready! Right now things are slower moving on organizing because I'm trying to respect the fact that this transition to work seems to be harder on G. I'm used to being here without him, but he craves that time with just the two of us, and feels drained being gone all day. We'll work our way into it being normal again soon, I'm sure.

Am I the only one who has done this? Balance the practical needs with those that are emotional ones as well? It seems a dance we're learning as we accept that it feels both like he was gone for years and also never gone at all. No matter what, though, I'm simply glad he's home as I'm becoming more and more awkward!

First Day

2011-09-27T06:24:00.000-04:00

Today is G's first day back to work. He showered and dressed and then woke me, and I threw on a robe and made him some coffee and we had cereal together sitting at the table. He said it felt like a good start to the day. I packed the rest of his lunch up (quiche from last night, salad with cracklins, some crisps and an apple), and then he was kissing me goodbye and out the door.

So here I sit. It feels oddly normal to be by myself and yet a part of me is thrown back to that first day after he left in February, where I found myself trying to keep busy and realizing I had done everything in the main living areas I could do by noon. I look around now at a living room with piles of things that need to go elsewhere (from emptying out the nursery and separating things into donate boxes), and think that is what I will do today. I'll clean the kitchen and I'll sweep and vacuum and mop and tidy down here. The dishwasher runs, the washing machine will soon be filled with clothes, normal housewife things.

Only, if I'm being honest, they're not normal for me. I spent the first 4 years of our marriage arguing with G over our home, but found I was no better at maintaining it either. So we've been working gradually at what I need to stay calm, which is "a place for everything and everything in it's place." I crave that sort of order to make my days easier. I need the organized and tidy home to feel calm. And because he works and I stay home, whether I'm good at it or not, it's up to me.

I'm phenomenal at organizing. I can make things look pretty as a picture. But maintaining it, keeping up a routine of cleaning and puttering about is not something I do naturally. I naturally am inclined to think I have all the time in the world and let's face it, I'd much rather nap and read. But this time I feel a sense of urgency. The braxton hicks contractions have begun. They tightened my belly, causing me to gasp with surprise while shopping yesterday. Not painful, but uncomfortable and a sign that time is dwindling. And I want a home that is relaxing for G to come home to, one that even with a newborn is easy to maintain.

I spent the 6 months he was gone mainly sleeping, and I don't feel guilty about it, because I'm told that's exactly what my job was during most of that time. But I don't have the luxury of doing that all the time. She's coming in less than 2 months and while naps will be a blessing, I need to keep moving. I need to remember that a chic life is not a lazy life.

Shake It

2011-09-25T23:59:00.001-04:00

So I'm dancing around the living room, shaking it and giggling (because lemme tell ya, a big pregnant belly dancing shaking? it. is. funny.), and G looks at me and says, "How much have you had to drink?" Which only causes me to laugh more hysterically because while he was drinking scotch I had an iced tea and I'm down a cup to his 2 of coffee. I say, "Only 1 cup of coffee, which is sad." He responds that I clearly need more because this is hilarious.

And on a more annoying note, we ordered a Jenny Lind style crib from Amazon that wasn't supposed to be here for another month or three and we're all, "That's awesome because the nursery looks like a storage room with our huge Christmas tree and ornaments and books and whatnot." Only, Amazon is tricky and notified us this week that "good news, it'll be here the first week of October." Only tonight they're like, "Even better news, it'll be here on Wednesday." Um, where exactly we're going to put this thing is beyond me. I guess it can join the other big baby boxes in the kitchen. Whatever.

I'm off to put another kettle on at midnight for more coffee, because clearly from the rambling you can tell I need another cup. (In my defense the last cup was a lot of vanilla bean whipped cream and more like a latte, without the espresso. I'm not allowed to have espresso. Sad day.)

Beginning To Taste Like Fall

2011-09-24T22:19:00.000-04:00

Our church mentioned last week an Octoberfest meal next month. Which includes bratwurst...the only grilled sausage like product I eat (I have always and will always abhor hot dogs...I was an admittedly odd kid). So this whole week I've been craving bratwurst, wanting some. Tonight we swung into Trader Joes and grabbed some to cook and eat. Originally the plan was to simply pan fry them and eat them with potato crisps.

But we got home and I got to thinking that grilled/sauteed onions sounded good. Those cooked, and the brats were still cooking and I looked at our macintosh apples and thought, "One of the recipes for the pork chops was apples and onions, I bet they'd be good" so I peeled, cored, and sliced those up. (and for the record everything was sauteed in the lard I rendered...mmm!)

We ended up plating it simply, the onions and apples forming the base and then the brats on top. Add in some bordeaux (which went surprisingly well), and we had a simply elegant meal. With a little laughter and romance added in.

We've been drinking hot apple cider and are making butternut squash soup soon and G really wants me to make an acorn squash for dessert. It feels like fall is in the air!

This One

2011-09-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

If it says anything, here she is looking at G.

This is my oldest "child" Audrey. She's a 6 year old mini dachshund who had a nasty tendency to really not particularly like any guy who I allowed near my apt. Oh, until G. For G she melts. In fact, early on, with us curled up cuddling she jumped onto the bed, onto my face, vaulting herself at him. We were gone 2 years to England, in which time we decided it was best to leave her with my parents (and her cousin or whatnot from the same breeder), but coming home she still loved him.

And she's odd. She used to sleep on my clothes in college. She would push her way into my room, drag out clothing bit by bit when I was in classes and curl up on them. She no longer does this. Why? Because it's all about G. His clothes are what she slept on during his deployment. And what she's chosen since he came home seems to be his shoes.

She's been nearly crawling into his work boots. She gently undoes the laces a bit, and kind of curls up with them. Last night she chose his brown casual shoes and crawled on top of them. And tonight his slippers were most convenient and she's lying on top of them. Sophie may technically be "his" dog (though she prefers me), but Audrey chose her side long ago and I lost. I've accepted it like countless mothers before me. :)

Back Into The Routine

2011-09-22T11:15:00.000-04:00

I took a 3 hour nap yesterday evening while G did some online slideshow thing for work. So I was pretty wired last night (though definitely not like pre-pregnancy!). I decided to go ahead and render the lard from the pork. Took quite a while because we had about 4 lbs, but in the end I ended up with 3 Bonne Maman jars of rendered lard, and a medium size bowl of cracklings! I think we'll be trying to make crackin' cornbread sometime soon. I also made up a couple loaves of bread. I cannot wait to have a grilled cheese sandwich! (I've been craving one for days.) And I made more sweet tea for G. I've only been making enough for our crystal pitcher every time, so it lasts for maybe 4-6 glasses at best.

We sat and drank hot tea while I cooked, watching Nanny McPhee. If you've never seen it, you should. Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, and Thomas Sangster (he played Peter in Finding Neverland and was in Love Actually). And Angela Lansbury has a bit part as well.

I've sort of reached the point where I'm a wee bit uncomfortable. 31 weeks down, 9 to 11 to go. And while I always assumed Braxton Hicks contractions were painful, research has led me to find that sometimes it's just tight pressure and really uncomfortable...which has been occurring a bit lately. Worst of all was last night when I discovered that I can no longer cross my legs when sitting in one of my dining chairs as Little Miss gets in the way!

But I'm still loving being pregnant. It's awkward and uncomfortable sometimes, and I'm not sleeping as well as I'd like. But it's fascinating to have my body change but not change (I have a belly, but the rest still looks the same, even a bit slimmer), and it's beyond hilarious when I speak to her and G thinks I'm talking to him and it takes him a sec to catch up.

Today we have mail to deal with, Sur La Table to visit (I've been itching to go since he got home), and my appt. It'll be the first time G hears the heartbeat live, so I'm expecting tears. I've never seen a man more in love with every little movement. He even admitted he's sort of jealous I get to feel even more. I told him he could carry the next one!

I love this routine, even if it is hectic. I love having G back by my side.

These Are The Days

2011-09-21T16:07:00.000-04:00

I love days like these. The sleeping in, the canoodling, the postwoman laughing, telling G she caught him in bed because he threw on pj pants, hopping out of the shower to run down to sign for a package. It's grey and slow and beautiful.

We picked up a pizza for lunch and finished it off with watermelon. Need to make more sweet tea. Was up late last night ordering baby items, like a crib and a stroller and a car seat and doing this funny little dance where we laughed because she's feeling more real and it's so weird. So when today I realized my appt. isn't until tomorrow (instead of today) we delightfully curled back under the covers and just lazed about.

Tomorrow may bring appointments and busy-ness... but today? I think it's going to bring more grey and movies and coffee and listening to the sounds of a snoring cat who wasn't interested in Water for Elephants until the kissing scene and then he was and once it was over... he flopped back down and slept. Why yes, we have an odd cat. That about sums up our day.

Seasonality

2011-09-20T10:22:00.000-04:00

We've really been trying to pay attention to seasonality with food. Our pork was raised in a natural way, where it went to the butcher the old school time of year rather than all year round. We're headed to an orchard sometime this week to pick apples, a fruit we've learned to live without when it's not fall. September means apple pie in our house. (and thanks to the lard, will be golden delicious!)

So last night's dinner was a nod to our love of food. As we said our meal time prayers, we thanked God for the pig that died for our meal last week. It's reassuring to know the sort of life it led, which led to a delicious tasting meal and a delightful conversation about food. About how well food in the same season pairs together.

We took a couple pork chops and seasoned them simply with olive oil, salt, and pepper. We cooked the skin, making cracklings, which unfortunately never made it to the plate. I diced up a couple apples because we had no applesauce, and adding a bit of butter, salt, and sugar made a sort of homemade applesauce as it cooked down. Baked potatoes, applesauce coated pork chops plated on top of the last of the apples. It was simple. It was wholesome. And it was delicious.

*Oh, and for those who have asked, the pudding recipe was from The Frugal Girl and can be found HERE... though I added a touch more cocoa!

Brought To You By The Letter P

2011-09-19T16:39:00.000-04:00

Today we picked up our pork. I wrote up a post all about our insane adventure to figure out what size freezer was right for us, but really I can condense it to: we chose a 13.7 cubic ft. freezer on sale (10% off) from Lowes and also got another 10% for G being military making it almost $100 less than it usually is. Turns out, our pig half was pretty small this go around (83 lbs), so it, along with the 1/4 cow and possibly 1/2 lamb this winter, will all fit in this smaller freezer with room to spare for baked goods, frozen veggies, and casseroles for once Little Miss is here (in 65 days).

We still have to go early next month to pick up anything smoked/cured, such as our ham and bacon and British bacon, and scrapple too we think (if you don't know what scrapple is, don't look it up, just know it's surprisingly delicious as a breakfast meat). Today we picked up 4 packages of pork chops (4 in each), 2 packages of spare ribs, 5 packages of sausage, and 2 large pork loin roasts (about 4 - 4.5 lbs. each). Also included with our order was pig's feet, a package of pork neck bones (great for soup!), and a package of pork fat. Normally they give you lard, but we requested the fat to render ourselves, so we'll have cracklings and lard for pies!

We also made homemade chocolate pudding last night. I whipped up some vanilla bean whipped cream for the top, and it is delicious! Made a double batch, so we still have plenty for the next day or two. Next time I'm freezing for pudding pops!

And also P's: potato leek soup, putting things together, and productivity. We've been super busy cleaning and organizing and smooching! G got his new play thing: a shop vac which he put together and went to town in our basement (brick walls that are 100 years old leads to brick dust...we're looking at ways to seal it).

Overall I've just been super happy lately, we haven't fought, and instead seem to really be recognizing that together is better than apart by far!

Getting Used To This Again

2011-09-16T13:41:00.000-04:00

His crinkles deepened in the desert...my heart sighs with gladness.

I still can't believe he's home. Getting to wake up to him, with him wrapped as tightly around me as possible. Getting to hear how our daughter spent the morning kicking at him while I slept. Getting to have coffee in bed with a not-so-competitive game of scrabble. All these simple little things seem almost like some dream that could change at any moment.

And yet life goes on. The mundane sneaks it's way in. Shopping for a deep freezer to hold the yummy pork that is waiting for us at the butcher. Looking for laundry items. Grocery shopping. But instead of being boring and tedious tasks they've become mini adventures where we get to hold hands and sneak kisses at red lights.

We cook and we laugh and we get used to this dance again as we live this life we've been given. A billion things to do and each a blessing because we get to do them together.

Baby Shower!

2011-09-15T00:19:00.000-04:00

We were laughing because the cake was decorated a bit much (by the lady who did my wedding cake)...this is actually after we took off more looped icing! But it was strawberry and delicious!

I had a lovely baby shower. My maman put it together, with yummy croissant sandwiches, fruit kabobs, pasta salad, cake, cupcakes, veggies, and tea and strawberry lemonade (so simple...puree strawberries and add to lemonade...yum!).

The drinks were served in jelly jars with barbershop shop striped straws!

We also had a candy bar to fill bags to take home. I'm pretty sure we were all on a sugar high.

The diet coke in a cup was what was keeping my maman sane!

The gifts were all wonderful. Almost all of the photos of me look awkward with what appears to be forced smiles. But I knew people were on a time limit (I had one friend drive 3 hours to get there), so I was looking up to snap quick photos.


Mercer Mayer books! G's already read them to the belly!

Diaper Cake

Houndstooth Outfit From my Girl Ang! She also made me a stack of burp cloths!

Eh, my goofiness shows through. I put one of the bows on my head and at one point had a teething toy in my mouth.

After I went to coffee with T and her gift to me was a much needed pedicure. I chose OPI's The Show Must Go On, so currently my toes are a sparkly red that would make Judy Garland proud.


Me and Maman

T, Moi, and M

I flew out whoa early the next morning on 9/11. It was a whirlwind trip that went really well. G was happy to have me home though!

Midwestern Adventure

2011-09-09T09:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been home since late Wednesday afternoon. Had dinner with my in-laws, which is always a nice time. Came home to play with my niece Alayna, who calls me alternately Kate or Cake, depending on her pronunciation at the time. We're having a blast. And by blast, I mean, holy moley I'm seriously wondering how on earth I am going to survive my own toddler... A is exhausting! We're currently sitting in the kitchen, not quite 8 a.m., and eating cheerios and drinking chocolate milk (well, I'm drinking iced tea in an attempt to wake up).

It's been a different sort of visit. Super busy. I don't even know how to put everything into words right now. I miss G, he usually is with me on trips back here, and without him everything just feels a little "off." We're heading shopping later this morning to try and figure out what on earth I am going to wear to the baby shower tomorrow. I want to look pretty, so usually I'd shoot for a dress... but shirts tend to cling to the belly and show her off better (and let's face it, most want to come and see the belly!). I've had several people now ask to touch my belly. Old friends who say they miss being pregnant. I'm enjoying this pregnancy, but I can't imagine missing the whole "I can't bend over to pick up my handbag while sitting" phenomenon!

Mostly, I'm glad to be here. To give G some time to kind of settle back in without having to focus on me. He's been playing with his new camera and relaxing. He's eager to see me come home (already having asked if it's time for me to return yet), but enjoying the rest.

So now, I'm off after the toddler again! I think only 1 more hour until Nana gets home...

Brought To You By The Letter...

2011-09-06T06:40:00.000-04:00

G!!!

G is finally home! He flew in yesterday and it's been absolutely heavenly. The sky opened up and was pouring right as I reached the airport. I headed in to wait, and was in the restroom when G called my cell and said he was past customs and looking for me. I came out squealing, knocked into an officer (apologized), and in heels went weaving my way through the mass of people towards the back of G. I made it all the way to him without him seeing me, so I wrapped my arms around him from behind, turned him and planted a kiss on him! (Good thing I had the right guy!) It was a small scene to say the least, but so worth it.

I wrote this on Sunday, while my nerves were hopping around like jumping beans:

"I feel like I'm in that moment of Sleeping Beauty, where she's lying there and the Prince has come in. That moment of anticipation. The pause before he kisses her and awakes her and her world from this dream state they've been forced into. I wish I could post this. With my feelings running every which way. Tomorrow my Prince comes back to me. And he'll kiss me, and it'll be like he was never gone and it was far too long all wrapped up in one. These 6 months have been a true learning experience for the both of us. One that was valuable, and for that reason, it's been worth it. But I'm done learning. I'm ready to have him home."

We spent last night having Indian food and then coming home and just letting it sink it. He's here. His arms wrapped around me are still this sensation that sends my brain for a loop. I don't think we're going to be tired of each other for a long, long, time.

He had to do in-processing today until around lunch time, so I'm up, and killing time. We actually don't have too much time together because I fly out tomorrow to head back to the midwest for a baby shower this weekend! (It's a whirlwind, I know.) Then I'll be back home to him and we'll be enjoying 2 weeks of vacation time. So, if this week is a little light on posts, please forgive... I'll be busy smoochin'!

Rainy Days And Mondays

2011-09-05T05:00:00.000-04:00

Source: classy-in-the-city.tumblr.com via Annabell on Pinterest

I love The Carpenters, but today their song is a little wrong. I'm loving this day so far, it's set to get better (super busy), and if it rains, well, that just means for a relaxing bit of time!

The rain here has been keeping it a bit cooler as we (hopefully) edge our way into fall. And I really suppose I'm looking forward to opportunities to put on my rain boots and tramp my way through puddles on an adventurous walk to a museum. I found myself even singing "Singing in the Rain" in the shower the other day!

I've got errands to run, and coffee to drink, and music to turn way up loud and dance to. Won't you join me in celebrating Monday?

Indulging My Feminine Side

2011-09-03T20:01:00.000-04:00

Source: bloggingforjoy.com via Kate on Pinterest

Today's hair appointment went splendid. I'm slowly learning to just fork over the money to get my hair done because I always feel relaxed and yet perky after. I guess wine and then coffee will do that! My hair is a dark chocolate now, very sultry. (photo to come tomorrow when there is some decent light.)

Then I went shopping for a pretty bra. Trying to find something that suited my style and current size was a pain in the rear. I ended up with a cream colored bra, which has to be a first in a long, long time. But, knowing what size I am now in that particular brand I'm planning to order a black one from their site.

And make-up. Sephora and I have a long time love affair that actually began in Paris. I had never been in one of their stores before then, and it was a match made in girly heaven. I like a make-up store or brand that allows you to buy something and then if at home it doesn't work out for you, they allow you to return it (Smashbox is the same way, and I am super loyal to them). Make-up items can look good in the store and look horrible later. And don't even get me started on face products that might seem fine, but within a day or two have your skin broken out or inflamed.

I actually picked up a curling iron to play with, and the lady assured me that if I hate it to just bring it back. I also splurged and got the touche eclat because when I tried it in the store I instantly looked 10 times more awake than I had before. As a mama in the third trimester, this was a blessing. I got up to the counter, noticed they had a Benefit set as a beauty points perk. It has a mini bad lash mascara, a mini brightening face primer, and a full size dandelion blush. The woman tried the blush out on me, and it looked so natural and pretty I was about to sing the hallelujah chorus. I have accumulated so many points there and they never have anything I would want at all. A free bonus that is worth nearly $60? Yes, thank you. (for the record, I appreciate that Smashbox's site has pretty points, where you accumulate money to spend in their store!)

I grabbed the Laura Mercier eyelash curler from Nordstroms (I have the Shu Uemura, but have really fallen for this one even more). And then on the way out I stopped at the Origins counter of Macys. They have a new product called Night A Mins night cream that I had heard great things about... but with my pregnancy skin I've found some things just don't mesh well with my skin. I asked if they had samples, explaining my predicament. Lucky me, they usually don't give out samples of their new items, but the sales woman was also pregnant, completely understood and went ahead and got me a mini bit of it. At this point I'm willing to try anything that helps me look more awake!

Now I'm home and resting my very sore feet. Have some organizing to do and then I'm going to relax with a face mask and a chick flick. Such an exciting Saturday night!

Man, I Feel Like A Woman

2011-09-03T11:50:00.000-04:00

I tend to feel like I took a gamble with G, and won the jackpot. Not always. I mean, damn these last couple years have definitely had their rough moments (understatement of the century). But overall, I chose to marry my best friend and I don't regret that decision.

Which all sounds so deep, amusingly enough. Because the topic of conversation today is about how I got lucky and married a man who truly tends to encourage me to spend money on beauty/fashion/etc. I'm a bit of a tighter fist with money which greatly conflicts with my love of being a woman. I say, "honey I want to spend money to buy this curling iron" and he doesn't even blink. I describe a make-up palette and why I'm considering it and he says, "I think you should get it." I married a man who compliments the way I tend to either look natural, or sexy, but not over the top, and who loves that I'm so womanly.

And on the other side of that coin is I married a boy who has turned into a man. Mmm. He knows what he likes, he's unapologetic about liking to look good, and he appreciates manly things. No, we're not talking football (of which he's not really a fan), but things like a glass of scotch, the scent of a good cigar, a straight edge shave, and a three piece suit. Old school man.

We haven't always been this way, and in fact, we've sort of naturally gravitated towards those opposites as we grew up together. But it works. He holds the door and walks on the outside of the sidewalk. I don't try and hide the fact that I tend to have swaying hips as I walk and a flirtatious personality. We're sometimes like a real life version of some old black and white film. We have a delicious chemistry.

So I keep it in mind when he slowly asks me not to dye my hair blonde (something I'm always threatening to do). I'm headed to the salon this afternoon to have them work their magic on my silver threads (a.k.a. my grandmother's contribution to my looks), and plan to go dark for the fall. Then it will be home to pamper myself a bit, and relax (the stupid grand prix is here this weekend flying through the streets of our city, so I'm staying in). I'll try and update with pics later if it looks like a dramatic change!

Life is good, and I'm enjoying a slow weekend before a packed week next week. Glucose tests, coffee dates with friends, and a party... oh my!

Fluff Friday

2011-09-02T11:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday G was laughing and tells me he has to tell about something his co-worker said. Apparently this guy is saying that we should go to Germany for a base because they're supposed to be good and because... "well, then your wife would be closer to her family." Garret stared at him perplexedly and asks him what he means. The co-worker explained that he had seen the photo of me on G's desk and that he knew G had been stationed in England, and he thought that I was European and G had married me over there. At this point I'm cracking up and grinning like a cat who caught the canary. Then G says that no, I'm from Missouri the same as him. His co-worker laughs and says he didn't know women who looked like that came from Missouri!

So yes, I got a little bit of a big head for the afternoon. He's never going to live this down. Ha!

Really Seeing

2011-09-01T11:28:00.000-04:00

G has loved having this time in the middle east. At least once a week he says to me, "I hope it's stable enough for us to come back someday." He talks about it being a beautiful, but very much war torn country. His heart breaks when he hears other disparage it, reminding them that a dictator tore it up for kicks for decades. So yes, it's a poor country in many ways. But the culture and the people of it are beautiful.

I love countries that are so different from our own. As much as I love metropolitan areas, my favorites from my trip a couple years ago were definitely Turkey and Egypt. I found both to have this sort of hospitality mindset that was surprising. This warmth. Their countries might in some ways not be as "sophisticated" as ours, but their pride in it was beautiful.

I had picked up a large pashmina in Turkey at a local market that I wear all the time. And I bought a couple scarves with gold threads woven in from a boy in Egypt. So when G said he was going shopping I told him I would love to have a scarf from Iraq. He found one today in a shop that a local he knows/works with was the best on base. It's beautiful, warm colors that I can't wait to wear this fall.

I want us to go to these places some day. To be able to safely walk around the market places and take tea at a small cafe. To see some of our faith's sites, because they are spread all throughout the middle east. Until then, we have photos, and a scarf to remind us of this place we hope to tread in the future.

Keeping Busy

2011-08-31T09:39:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I decided to get up in the morning, head to the local coffee place and sit and enjoy coffee and a croissant (from the Patisserie downtown, they're amazing). I walked about the neighborhood, stopping into the baby store to pick up some cloth diapers. I dropped into this quirky place to get some violet flavored gum, and a slightly naughty card for G. The days keep on ticking, ticking, and I feel like I'm in water just treading til he gets here. Less than a month to go!

I then stopped at this pasta bar for lunch. Oh. My. Goodness. I ordered their special of the day which was a linguine with mussels, in a sauce of tomatoes, spicy peppers, white wine, and pancetta. So, so good.

Then I headed home to talk with G. He tried to help me hunt down a handbag I should have bought earlier this year, and which today I'll be trying to convince an outlet to let me buy it (outlets tend to warehouse more recent merchandise for later seasons). I've still got my Planned Purchases Database, the handbag is on it, and G is determined that I'll have it. I'm working on a database for him, since he'll clearly be able to shop for clothes long before I will!

And then last night my neighbors brought over a Mexican sandwich for me. My neighbor's family still lives in Mexico. This was delicious, and perfect timing, because I was so exhausted I was debating skipping dinner and heading to bed. I would have taken a photo, but I devoured it.

Today I have to get ready and head on out. Stopping by my old doctor's office to request my files because today is my first appointment at the birthing center! It's hard for me to believe, but she'll be here in less than 3 months (or right around that). She moves all the time, so I definitely no longer have days where I forget I'm pregnant.

It's beautiful out and I hear coffee and a croissant perhaps calling my name. Hope the middle of your week is just as bright.

Intentional Living

2011-08-30T09:24:00.001-04:00

I found this quote on pinterest (I'm sooo addicted!), and thought it was perfect. I was just discussing on my french chic board about having to choose the way you live, every tiny decision, rather than just going through the motions and following the masses.

I feel most out of sorts when I'm simply going through the motions and doing things out of habit. Not that habits are bad, some are very good, but life should be lived thoughtfully. I'm extremely blessed to have a husband who recognizes the ebbs and flows and will remind me not to lose myself. Who gently states, "Oh there Kate is" when I've found my way back from allowing too much noise to affect my life.

Living a life of intention isn't always easy. It takes thinking about things more carefully. I've found with fashion I have to ask myself, "Is this something I love or is this something I've simply seen so often that I think I should love it?" I often have to remind myself that even though I grew up with the "clean plate" rule that that doesn't work for me, and I don't have to eat a whole meal if I feel done.

Intentional living for me is simply asking myself these questions: "Is this me?", "Do I love this?", "Does doing this make me happy?" I've learned to be okay with the contradictions, because no person is flat without facets. I've learned to quietly remind another that what may work for them, what they may love is their own path.

So today I'm encouraging you to be thoughtful in your day. To ask yourself questions, from the smallest thing to the biggest. "Do I really like eating this cereal or has it become a habit I just do?" "Does this outfit make me smile and feel like myself or did I put it on because I just needed to wear something?" And the harder, "Does this person bring good into my life or am I keeping the friendship out of fear of change?"

You deserve a life you've intentionally carved out.

*And I highly recommend pinterest. I've noticed that by my random pinnings on a fashion inspiration board, that I can clearly see a pattern with what I love. When you're pinning things that capture you, you can't hide what makes you "you."

Upped

2011-08-29T18:40:00.000-04:00

My husband re-enlisted today. Another 4 years. I know that for some my pride is a little odd, because I do complain about the way the military treats their own. But both G and I are quite patriotic, one of our favorite times in history was the Colonial and Revolutionary War period. So my anger towards the military stems not from a lack of pride, but in an overabundance of it at times, and the way these men and women are taken advantage of.

However, G is learning the politics slowly but surely. He's enjoyed being a more "in charge" role in Iraq. He's definitely found that he likes being a leader more than he thought he would. And we're hopeful that while these next 4 years will be busy (G will be working on finishing up a degree and beginning his masters along with possibly flight school), that they will be more enjoyable. He's made good connections and is looking forward to standing out a bit more.

After the 4 years, we're unsure where the road will take us. There are several options that I am sure we'll mull over plenty. For now I'm proud to be a military wife for another 4 years.

Irene Update

2011-08-28T07:39:00.000-04:00

So far, where I'm at, it's been nothing. Some rain. Some wind. Dogs who clearly were not excited about going out in this mess. (which means I'm pretty sure the dachshund peed somewhere that I'll have to figure out later because she is Miss Priss and was not going to get wet so I'm not sure she even went down the stairs. *sigh*) We haven't even lost power yet.

Actually, the worst thing I've had to deal with so far was a curious cat who decided he was too good for the water dish... and took it upon himself to think that a bathtub full of water had been drawn simply to give him his own huge water bowl. I only discovered his way of thinking after a loud, scrambling crash and him streaking down the stairs. I look over and notice his back half is soaked... as was the entire floor on his trail out of there. The bathroom door now remains closed.

(He likes the bathroom. Yesterday while I was in the shower I heard his loud breathing, and when I got out, he was standing on the ledge while I showered waiting for me. I believe I've mentioned he stalks me before. It was like a scene from Psycho.)

Other than that I am staying in and trying to finish up The Omnivore's Dilemma because my book club is meeting up tonight at Clementine to discuss. Good book, good local food? Should be an awesome time.

Hope everyone else is safe and snug as a bug in a rug.

A Storm Is Brewing

2011-08-27T10:08:00.000-04:00

As Hurricane Irene hurtles her way towards us, I'm staying in to read and relax. I've got candles, bottled water, hard pretzels, apples, and a nearly empty fridge I can work my way through if need be. Had an issue with a window being shattered yesterday, but only the outer pane, so hopefully we'll be good. G's co-workers came out and cleaned it up for me. They were calling around the deployed people's families to make sure we were ready and come if we needed any help.

I've never been in this sort of weather. Between the earthquake and the hurricane/tropical storm I think a lot of thinking will be going into where we live next. I've told G that our next house must have working shutters that lock up tight. Even outside of this storm, we do get some nasty thunderstorms here as a result of being so close to the water.

So I'll be upstairs cleaning the bathtub and then filling it up with water. (A suggestion my friend Kaira made about making sure we have plenty of water to flush with, get water for the dogs, etc.) I've got battery operated candles, real candles, and I'm going through the house to collect them and make sure I'm prepared for plenty of reading by candlelight. With old fashioned brass holders I can easily walk around the house with my beeswax tapers. And I'm planning to go get some cheap pillars to light up the different rooms (I normally avoid paraffin, but don't want to waste all my beeswax and pricey soy candles).

I hope that those of you who will be in this storm are prepared, and for those elsewhere, please keep us in your thoughts!

Making A Statement

2011-08-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

My wedding set is one that is more delicate looking, resembling an antique. I love that older look. But it is the only piece of jewelry I wear every day. I've found that other than that, my taste tends to be more toward statement pieces, big, noticeable jewelry that is anything but delicate. From a 60 inch strand of pearls to big chunky raw rubies to large bangles. So it's no surprise that my jewelry wish list is full of statement pieces like the necklace I shared earlier this week.

My raw ruby necklace. I wear it at least once a week.


Tiffany Elsa Peretti Aegean necklace

10thousandthings 18K gold and lapis necklace


David Yurman Albion ring

I'm not really all that into diamonds. I'm more likely to lust after a great design or tahitian pearls. And I love my collection of vintage/antique costume jewelry. (We've already discussed how we're going to have to lock down these from a curious girly girl.) I like my clothes more simple, classic, and so the statement pieces to kind of stand out.

Do you prefer the more delicate jewelry or bigger pieces? Do you mix it up a lot or have a few pieces you always wear?

Almost Home

2011-08-25T06:51:00.000-04:00

I bought a few new shirts yesterday on clearance at Target. Two were maternity, but one was a long tunic with a waist that I decided was a good look for picking G up in. The days keep on counting down, and I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Sadly, this is also the time that passes the slowest. The minutes drag on, the seconds seem like eons.

It's easy to say that my husband has been safe, that because of his job it as low risk. But when the helicopter in Afghanistan was attacked earlier this month my heart stopped a bit. My husband flies in helicopters often. I was worried about the convoys, had never though to consider the helicopters. So I've been a little on edge any time he travels (which is every week).

I don't know how those who lose their spouses do it. How they handle the physical aches that come from missing being held, from finding yourself turning in the night to curl up on a body that isn't there. How quickly you forget the smell of someone, that has to be the worst.

It will take everything in me not to make a fool of myself at the airport. To avoid bursting into tears or running and jumping (something that we did a lot of before, but I'm thinking would be a mistake in my present condition). I'm looking forward to just standing there and drinking his face in.

So getting him home will be the best thing ever. We're planning on turning Jemima (our Garmin, she's a Brit lady) to avoid highways and drive backroads home, just enjoying being together. Maybe I'll pack a picnic and we can stop along the side of the road and just breathe. That breath that's been held for so very long.

Dilemmas

2011-08-24T13:25:00.000-04:00

The necklace on top of the stone that I'd also like...

First, I have an actual dilemma. There's a necklace I have fallen in love with. But it's not an inexpensive piece (although it's by no means even a tenth of the cost of the aegean necklace I'm saving for), so I go and visit it in this local store. With baby stuff to buy, bedroom furniture to buy, etc I just think, hmm, should I spend the money? *sigh* I suck at decisions.

And then I spent the morning at a coffee shop reading more of The Omnivore's Dilemma. It's not an easy read for me. It's the first book since college (and the only one not for a class) that I've spent time underlining things in. I'm absolutely disgusted by the way our food system works here in the U.S. so I have to keep putting the book down and stepping away for a bit. I wouldn't say it's been eye-opening for me yet (I'm only 1/4 of the way through), because I have researched this topic more than the average person, but it has confirmed that buying our food the way we do is a smart and healthy decision.

There is a line after he's gone to visit "his" cow at the feedlot that I underlined that states: "Eating industrial meat takes an almost heroic act of not knowing or, now, forgetting." I truly believe this is true. Doing any sort of research into your animal products makes you have to really consider your choices of where it comes from, which may explain why most people seem to not want to know. I'm happy we're omnivores, I enjoy meat tremendously. But because of what I've learned the last several years, we eat less of it, because we've chosen to spend more on better quality. I'm not saying we always know where our meat comes from (we eat out, and haven't been as good at researching cured meats around here), but we have chosen to only buy meat like chicken, beef, and generally pork that meets our standards.

It's not easy when you take the time to learn about food, both vegetable and animal. It makes purchasing food difficult, because I look at everything. I read labels religiously as I try to avoid soy products (other than fermented like tofu) like the plague. I don't like how much corn products we eat, so I have to check for all the names that goes under. I check quality of produce and I check to see that our meat and animal products meet the standards we've set for our house. We try to buy natural and local as much as possible, but for some things that isn't possible. (Although I recently found a farm where we can collect our own eggs, which I am so dang excited about!)

So, I'm sure I'll do a review once I've finished the book!

Random Ruminations

2011-08-23T13:44:00.001-04:00

I love stripes!

**Update: Lovely earthquake here on the east coast... my first. Lying in the sofa talking to G when the sofa starts to shake and I jump up and the whole house starts to shake. Not pleased. There is a reason I choose to not live in California!

Here are some random Tuesday thoughts:

* I love spin pins by Goody. If you've never used them, I highly recommend them. I even turned my stylist onto them. I've found that there is nothing better to pull my hair up off my neck... and to help it cascade down in waves when night falls. G's a fan.

* I'm enjoying the blessing of the rain for one reason alone: those small children outside until all hours of the night can't be. Sorry, parents, but I think the time between 11-3 a.m. kids should at least be inside.

* G writes me haiku poems. And the thing is? They're good. Like really good. If I thought anyone was really into reading haiku poetry anymore I'd be pushing him to publish them. He's been sending me ones in a series he wrote this week and it is tantalizing wondering if there are more.

* I'm finishing up The Omnivore's Dilemma for a bookclub. So excited to be able to discuss this topic with other people without it coming across that I'm preaching!

* I knit several french press cozies for friends and then stopped without sewing the buttons on them (had some trouble with some yarn falling apart on me). I need to just finish them up before I really get known as a procrastinator.

* And finally, I have no where to go today but to the grocery store for fun things like milk and chicken (oh I miss the days when my list was prosecco and cured meats...), but I'm feeling like it's a smudged eyeliner sort of day. Hope the cashiers at Trader Joe's appreciate it!

Split Decisions

2011-08-22T09:02:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a break from the homemaking posts. Though I continue to clean and organize, it was beginning to get a little dull for me to talk about. The reality is I'm not superwoman, it's slow going, but I've formed new habits already. So that about sums it up.

What I do want to talk about is how as a homemaker I'm having a moment of uncertainty in my own identity. It feels almost like a split personality. On one hand, I love to cook and bake and entertain, keep a neat and tidy house. But the other part of me likes dark smudged eyes, high heels with leather jackets and to sit at a bar and have my husband act as if he doesn't know me and "pick me up." (hey, if you've never tried it, it can be an amazingly good time!)

With the surprise of finding out we were pregnant it felt as if my well laid plans were suddenly gone in a pouf of smoke, while the idea that I needed to be Super Homemaker came to the forefront. I feel a bit like Alice trying to find my feet because while we're thrilled at the idea of finally having a child, we both have admitted it felt like suddenly things were changing without our consent.

My nightmare is ending up looking a hot mess driving a mini van (it's a strict rule in our home that we will never own one of those contraptions), my world revolving around play dates and soccer games. We spend a lot of time discussing balance, not being overly focused on our children, keeping our marriage near the top of the list. But there are grey areas. Does the sparkly mini skirt I had hoped to rock at New Years this year have to be struck from the list forever? (clearly after giving birth it's out for this year.) Do we have to suddenly succumb to cozy furniture and put away all the breakables? What about enjoying a glass or two of wine with dinner while breastfeeding? (I've been told it's fine to have one, that very little makes it's way into your milk, for the record.)

I want to be an amazing mom. But more importantly a great wife. And even higher than that, I need to feel like I'm being me, a woman. I've heard people say it's selfish and fine, that may be your opinion. I'm okay with being called selfish... we all need to accept that a bit. It doesn't mean I'll be any less wonderful as a mother, but it does mean I won't always put my children first (from a Christian standpoint, you're not even supposed to).

So, that's what has been on my mind as of late. Balancing practicality and family responsibility with being myself and not feeling trapped. I gave up on the idea of Paris for now, but could we compromise and head to the South of France? Decisions, decisions.

Skipping Sundays

2011-08-21T12:16:00.000-04:00

(or, why my husband is more sarcastic than you'd ever guess)

This is the first Sunday in 4 weeks that I've actually be awake around the time for mass. The first 2 I was off schedule, and then last week I had been up all night with the roof leaks. But I just didn't feel like going today. Honestly, it's exhausting driving to church, sitting by myself (no pinky to hold), up and down off my knees (this baby is making moving about real fun lately), and I just don't want to answer any more questions about how G is doing or when he's coming home. The answers are as always, "He's doing great" and "Soon."

So I e-mail G to tell him that I just don't want to go by myself any more. Church has always been this thing we do together and it makes me weary to be so alone in that cavernous place. Instead, having been up since 9:30 last night (I slept for 6 hours...ahem), I'll probably nap, get a chicken to roast for dinner, and relax a bit. I just received G's response and I literally laughed so loud that I startled Sophie and she jumped up.

G: I have to say, I'm a little disappointed...I figured that when they asked how I'm doing over here, you would just say, "Well, he'll be much better once they get the prosthetic fitted."

Such a smartass, that husband of mine.

2011-08-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

Some moments I'm made well aware that I am indeed the luckiest girl in the world. I was reading G a blog post that is going up tomorrow, and he and I were discussing it, and he said, "Yeah, I was planning on talking to you about that." We were discussing shoes. Why my husband was going to have to talk to me about shoes may surprise you.

I had recently told him that I didn't need an expensive pair of black pumps, that the money could best be used elsewhere. And at the time he didn't really say anything. I took it as a sigh of relief from him when it fact our conversation went something like this:

G: "When you mentioned giving up nice shoes I was trying to think how to gently approach this. I felt like I was losing Kate."

Moi: (laughing) "Because I didn't want expensive shoes?"

G: "No, the shoes are just a symbol. I didn't want to have you lose yourself."

Ahhh. True love, my friends, true love. He at one point in the conversation said he was glad I was back from being "zombie-Kate."

*But can I just say I'm pretty sure he saw those nice Italian leather shoes we talk about getting him going up in smoke too? :)

Sunshine Found

2011-08-20T15:10:00.000-04:00

Today is a gloriously pretty day. Blue skies, not too hot or humid. J and I headed to the farmer's market today. I picked up some itsy bitsy tomatoes for salads, two heads of red leaf lettuce, 4 medium round red tomatoes perfect to make sandwiches to go with the bread I'm baking tonight, 2 containers of red skinned potatoes, and 2 large bunches of purple basil which will be getting made into purple pesto. I'm planning on having G make me that pesto pasta a lot, can you tell? I also picked up a 9th item (I usually get my allotted 8) because I was told to. I'm guessing that they had an abundance of cantaloupe, so I was told to take one as a 9th item. And really, who's going to turn down ripe, local, organic cantaloupe? I'll freeze more melon balls for G!

Then we ran some errands, and I stopped into Trader Joe to pick up 5 things of butter (I was down to a pat which is considered catastrophic), some raspberries, and a flatbread for my lunch and dinner. I picked the wild mushroom with black truffles and mozzarella and it's delicious as usual. I'll eat the other half for dinner with a salad. And I also picked up these:

I love hydrangea. Some day I want a backyard filled with hydrangea, peonies, hyacinth, tulips, and English garden roses. I bought this tea pot from a thrift store last year specifically as a vase (it doesn't have a lid, otherwise it'd be used as a teapot, it's gorgeous!). It's from American occupied Germany (so it's old) and it's just the perfect centerpiece with these flowers. I needed something to just make me smile.

I'm off for a nap and then onto baking bread, making a spice cake, and making more tomato paste. Should be a delightful evening!

Free Hug Friday

2011-08-19T13:02:00.000-04:00

With the countdown ticking ticking until he is once again home I've realized that what I've missed the most these past 6 months is touch. Sure, I hug friends, but the day to day existence of staying to myself has worn on me.

G and I are touchers. The hand on the back in a room. The pinkies linked with our hands on the pews as we sing in church. The head on the chest or the spooning. And constant hugs. That man hugs more than anyone else I know. These things I miss with a ferocity that overwhelms.

And I'm looking forward to new touches. His hand on my belly. His hand gripping mine as I attempt to break it as I break. The gentleness as he cradles our daughter in his arms, the three of us curled up together.

Some feel that the song Hallelujah is done too much. I love it every time I hear it done well. I've spent the morning listening to different artists on youtube sing it. Hallelujah and Amazing Grace are 2 songs (and even phrases in songs) that I could listen to again and again. This video I've seen before, but looked it up today as it felt apt. Touch is so important. Hugs are a love language everyone understands. The need to connect, even briefly, is what makes us human.